The red roses we deserve and the red flags we get

There was a time when love was grand. A man in a perfectly-tailored suit would send flowers and a car at 7 pm sharp, pick the perfect restaurant, and hold the door open with the confidence of someone who knew he was your forever. There were handwritten love letters, mixtapes, and men who didn’t just show up — they planned.

Now? We have situationships, half-hearted “hbu” texts, and men who claim “Valentine’s Day is a capitalist scam” but will happily drop `10,000 on football tickets and call that romance. It’s giving convenience over commitment.

Dating in 2025 is a spectrum — ranging from princess treatment to “Let’s see where this goes” to “He took three business days to text back but liked my post, so he probably cares?” And somehow, even in a city as big as Chennai, we find ourselves settling for less than the bare minimum.

The situationship spiral

Remember when Harry ran through New York on New Year’s Eve to tell Sally he loved her? Or when Patrick sang Can’t Take My Eyes Off You to win over Kat in 10 Things I Hate About You? Yeah, that was then. Now, we get “Oh yeah happy V day btw” texts at 11.57 pm, with no punctuation, no context, and definitely no grand romantic gestures.

Valentine’s Day used to be a day of certainty. Now it’s a day of decoding texts, over-analysing silence, and pretending to be chill when really, you just want to know if you should wear the red dress or make alternative dinner plans.

“I was talking to this guy for six months,” begins Ishitha S, a 23-year-old techie. “We weren’t dating, but we weren’t not dating. And obviously, I thought Valentine’s Day would clear things up. So, on the 14th, I waited. And waited. And at 9 pm, he sent a ‘Hope you had a good day!’ text. Like… sir, I was supposed to have a good day with you.”

Theresa M, 27, echoes, “I told myself I wouldn’t expect much, but at least a dinner, right? The guy I was seeing said, ‘Wanna grab dessert?’ So basically, I got a situationship and a molten lava cake.” But cake is not commitment. We know this, and yet, we continue to accept the lowest possible level of effort... Somewhere along the way, wanting effort became embarrassing.

The fine line between effort and embarrassment

Now, before you mistake this for another ‘Men are trash’ rant, let’s set the record straight — this isn’t about extravagance, it’s about effort. No one’s asking for a helicopter ride to the Taj. While most Chennai girls would happily be swept off their feet by someone who loves like Dhanush in 3, can the girls at least get a little more than a ‘Hey, what’s up?’ text on Valentine’s Day? Booking a dinner reservation isn’t exactly rocket science — it’s showing you’re paying attention.

Aadhya Palleti shares her take: “I don’t need a guy to shower me with gifts. But my ex literally made me feel embarrassed for expecting anything at all. If I so much as brought up Valentine’s Day, he’d say, ‘Oh, you actually care about that?’ Yes, I do. Why is that a crime?”

And there’s effort becomes performative, it might look good on Instagram but means nothing in real life. “A guy I was dating posted a cute story of us and tagged me,” says Alfia A, 22. “Mind you, he did not do anything for me in real life. Just vibes and virtual optics.”

Gentlemen, if your Valentine’s Day plans consist of Instagram stories, a heart emoji, and a ‘You know I’m not good with grand gestures’ text, congratulations! You’ve successfully secured yourself a red flag.

How the other half dates

For every girl rolling her eyes at a ‘You up?’ text, there’s another sipping champagne at Leela Palace. There are some men who still get it.

“My boyfriend is obsessed with surprising me,” says Alekhya Ram, an aspiring Kathak dancer in Chennai. “He loves planning things. And it’s not even about the money — sometimes it’s just a handwritten letter or a well-planned picnic. He enjoys putting in effort.” Her boyfriend, Akshit Shah, adds, “The way I see it, I don’t want her to hope I’ll do something nice. I want her to expect it, because she deserves that.”

Maybe Chennai has its fair share of men who still believe in sweeping a woman off her feet.

You’ve all been there. Staring at your phone, waiting for a text that never comes, rereading conversations like a detective looking for clues. “Maybe he’s just not into big gestures. Maybe I’m overthinking.” No, you’re not. You’re just making excuses for someone who can’t be bothered.

“Last year, I got all dressed up for a date, ordered my favourite dessert, and thought, Never again will I settle for less.’ And then he shows up in a Madrid jersey. Like, really?” says Aparna P, a blogger from the city.

This barely-there effort isn’t mysterious, it’s just unattractive. If he wanted to, he would. And if he doesn’t? Then why waste perfectly good mascara over him?

The final word

Is this a demand for men to suddenly turn into 1950s gentlemen? No. Is this a cry for outdated gender roles? Absolutely not. If Jake and Amy or Phil and Claire taught us anything, it’s that love isn’t about decoding texts — it’s about feeling like you’re the only person in the room, the most important person in their schedule, and realising that romance isn’t meant to be questioned, it’s meant to be felt.

This isn’t about promoting chivalry — just basic human effort. But if the shoe fits, lace it up, plan the date, and act like you have a clue. And while you’re at it, maybe gift her red roses — not shock her with red flags.