After Cindy Crawford’s Younger Brother Died, She And Her Sisters Felt Like It Should Have Been One Of Them Instead Because Their Dad “Really Wanted A Boy”

Recalling how she and her two sisters handled their brother’s tragic death, Cindy confessed: “We knew that my dad really wanted a boy, and we felt like, well, it should have been one of us.”

By
Stephanie Soteriou
by Stephanie Soteriou

BuzzFeed Staff

Cindy Crawford has opened up about the devastating impact that her younger brother’s death had on her and her sisters in childhood.

Cindy Crawford stepping out in a chic blazer and matching skirt
Raymond Hall / GC Images

The former supermodel, who is now 58 years old, spoke candidly about suffering from “survivor’s guilt” during a recent appearance on the Kelly Corrigan Wonders podcast.


For context, Cindy’s mom was just 16 years old when she got pregnant with the star’s older sister, Chris. Two years later, Cindy was born, and her little sister Danielle and their baby brother Jeffrey were born four and two years after her. 


Jeffrey was diagnosed with leukemia when he was just 2 years old, which he fought for two years before tragically passing away.


On the podcast, Cindy explained that knowing that her dad had always wanted a son made her and her sisters feel like it should have been one of them who got sick instead of their brother.

Recalling Jeffrey's diagnosis, Cindy said: “I was 8, my older sister would have been 10, my younger sister would have been 4, and Jeff was 2, turning 3, when he got diagnosed, and then he was sick for two years.”

Cindy Crawford speaks at an event, wearing an off-the-shoulder top
Eric Charbonneau / Getty Images for Apple TV+

Cindy added that while their mom made a four-hour roundtrip to the hospital with Jeff every day, their father worked to pay for his treatment, and she and her sisters spent a lot of time with their aunts, uncles, and grandparents.


“We had enough extended family around us that I didn’t really feel it, as a kid… We knew that he was sick, but we didn’t really know what was going on,” she shared. “When he died, obviously that was devastating for the whole family.”


“My mother, she was able and chose to really grieve properly; she went to death and dying courses, and she has a very strong faith, so she was able to move through grief,” Cindy continued. “I think, for my father, he had to go to work three days later, and so they just handled it very differently.”


Reflecting on how she and her sisters reacted, Cindy said: “[My parents] wanted a boy, my dad wanted a boy, the fourth was a boy, and I think there was a lot of guilt.”

“There’s that survivor’s guilt of the other kids,” she went on. “Especially because we knew that my dad really wanted a boy, and we felt like, well, it should have been one of us. It was so weird. For years, my sisters and I would all have these same nightmares that it should have been one of us.”

“My mom wouldn’t have known to say this, she was 26 years old and had just lost a child, but I needed to hear: ‘Yes, we’re so sad that Jeff died, but we’re so happy you’re here,’” Cindy explained. “Through doing the work on myself, I was able to ask my mom to say that now, as an adult, just to kind of close the loop on that feeling.”

Cindy Crawford poses in a suit at the National Book Awards event
Cindy Ord / Getty Images

Cindy also reflected on the way that society as a whole approaches death, saying: “I remember when I went back to school after my brother died and not one person said anything to me except for one kid, who was like: ‘I saw in the paper your brother’s dead, is that true?’ And I was like, whoa. It was so in your face, but he didn’t know what to say — we were in third grade!”

The star later acknowledged that becoming a mom herself made her realize just how tough losing Jeffrey must have been for her mother.

In fact, Cindy said that when she gave birth to her first child at 30 years old, she called her mom up and asked her how she had possibly survived the death of a child.

“You can’t imagine losing a child until you have a child, and even then, you don’t want to imagine it,” Cindy explained. “But I remember her saying: ‘Well, I had three other kids looking at me to lead them through this.’ And I think, because of us, she got out of bed and had to do what she had to do.”

Cindy is mom to 24-year-old Presley Gerber and 22-year-old Kaia Gerber, who she shares with her husband, Rande Gerber.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.

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