Haims: Being ‘old’ depends on your perspective
What is “old” and how much does it vary from person to person?
Answering this question is frequently subjective and ambiguous. When I was an adolescent, I’m pretty sure I perceived my parents as old. However, I’m very sure that I had always viewed my grandparents as old. After all, they were my parents’ parents — thus they were older than my parents so they had to be really old.
The irony here is that I’m currently 57, and my oldest child is almost 21. When I was almost 21, my dad was only 50 and my mom was just 47 years old. Therefore, comparatively, I’m already seven years older than my father. Based on my earlier statement, I must be old. But I don’t feel old. And, to the chagrin of my wife, I don’t act old.
I can’t remember how old I was when I began to grasp age. However, I know I understood the difference between “subjective” age and “chronological” age for a very long time. Subjective age is generally defined as how old one feels while chronological age is just that, a number associated with how long you have been alive.
Empirical research has shown that at about the age of 25, there is a divergence known as a “cross-over effect” where subjective age is older than chronological age. Simply put, until the age of about 25, people perceive age differently. On the younger side of 25, many people view old to occur at a younger age. Conversely, as people become older than 25, perceptions of what being old is change and they perceive old to occur at a later numerical value. Fortunately, across multiple parts of the world and cultures, the divergence between chronological and subjective age increases as people age.
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Over the years that I have owned Visiting Angels and cared for hundreds of older individuals, I have become acutely aware that being old is less associated with a numerical number than how one feels and how one lives their life. On average, most of the clients we care for are in their mid to late 80s. I say most because we care for many people in their 90s.
When I get together with other Visiting Angels offices for annual meetings and share this information, I often see many skeptical faces. Inevitably people ask, “How can that be?” Or, “What are you doing?” I answer by explaining that our clients who live in the mountains, in general, take pretty good care of themselves — they are not sitting on the couch watching time go by. And, to the question of: “What are you doing?” I respond by saying, “We support their desires to be active and live a high-quality life.”
People who feel and view themselves as younger than their numerical age tend to live a healthier and more active life. I have found that even for clients with chronic ailments, or with movement and cognitive disorders, those that view such obstacles as bumps in the road as compared to an impassable wall in the road, do quite well. Ultimately, as Mark Twain once said, “Age is a case of mind over matter; if you don’t mind it, it doesn’t matter.”
While we should, we do not have a banner above our office door saying: “Give your clients purpose.” However, every caregiver we have promotes “purpose” with every client. While every client may have different abilities and circumstances, I feel our caregivers must get to know, understand and respect their clients’ goals, passions and aspirations. Living with purpose promotes a better quality of life than simply existing — it promotes both mental and physical health.
Living a fit and able life is something we can all achieve should we choose to tweak our perceptions and modify lifestyle choices. Embrace the practice of being grateful, hopeful and inquisitive. Above all, maintain a positive outlook and treat challenges as adventures.
One of our clients is unable to walk but lives a very active life. Rather than have their caregiver run errands, or go to the grocery store or post office without them, this client almost always has the caregiver drive them so they can be out and about together. During the winter, the caregiver takes the client to visit friends and family, and even the rec center to watch children play in the pool. Last week, the caregiver took the client for a stroll along the river and then went to get tea together. For this client, mobility is not an impediment. By the way, this client is in their 90s.
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Another client, an 86-year-old, suffers from dementia. While they sometimes forget where they live and which family member is which, they have not forgotten how to play tennis, ski, see a movie, or read a book. Their caregiver takes them to do these activities weekly.
Age does not always have to be an impediment or a bad thing. Many cultures revere the aged for their wisdom and experience. I can for sure say that here in our mountain communities, those who are numerically older and still get out to socialize and recreate are looked upon favorably — even with respect and admiration.
If you don’t see yourself as old, most likely, others won’t either.
Judson Haims is the owner of Visiting Angels Home Care in Eagle County. He is an advocate for our elderly and is available to answer questions. Connect with him at jhaims@visitingangels.com.
