Ask Allison: My brother wants to modify my parents’ home so he and his family can move in with them. My sister and I are furious

Question: My brother and his wife live in the same county as my parents. We grew up in a large house just outside a country town and have all moved to Dublin. We still visit my parents regularly and we all enjoy staying with them. Our kids often go down to see their grandparents and stay by themselves. My parents are in their early 70s, still hale and hearty, and my brother is proposing that he and his wife move in and adapt the house slightly to accommodate his family — he has one child and his wife is pregnant — and my parents, so that each has their own privacy. The thing is, this will put an end to all of us coming to visit my parents. There won’t be room for anyone else to stay, and this will affect our relationships with my parents as no one can afford to pay for accommodation regularly. Both my parents are kind and have always been pushed around a bit by my brother, who is the youngest. I am worried about how this will affect our families into the future and also how it will affect our family beyond my parents’ death, as I am sure they will end up leaving the house to him. My sister and I are so annoyed about this and would like your advice on how to broach the subject with our parents and ensure that everything is above board as I don’t trust my brother and he is impossible to deal with. He rarely talks to us and when he does he is very domineering. Can you help?