The agony of Alzheimer’s: ‘Afterwards I found notebooks where he was writing out lists. My name was written down several times’

When Paddy Crosbie’s late and much beloved husband Derek was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at 58, he was plunged into a world of grief — but he continues to find comfort in a carers’ network and the memories of their life together

Paddy Crosbie holds a photograph from his wedding day of himself and his partner Derek Simpson, who was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's. Photo: Frank McGrath

Liadán Hynes

It has been 36 years since Paddy and Derek met in the early hours of the morning, on April 9, 1988, “in a great nightclub called Hooray Henry’s, it was a gay disco,” Paddy says. “He asked me to dance. A real gentleman. I fell hook, line, and sinker for him. I moved in about a week later.”

When I ask Paddy to describe his husband, he smiles and says: “To this day I still think he’s gorgeous. He was originally from Northern Ireland, so he had a lovely soft accent, which melted me. He was so kind, and caring, and considerate; I don’t think I ever heard Derek say anything bad about another human being. He had a huge sense of justice and fairness about him, and always wanted people to be treated the right way. And us being treated as a couple, that was foremost in his mind from the very beginning when we got together, even though at the time, our relationship wasn’t legal.”