What do you do when you're afraid of your child? The unmentioned category of domestic abuse

Anger and aggression from children towards parents is severely on the rise. Here, three victims speak about their agonising experiences, from physical lash-outs to school refusal, and about the sense of calm and order restored through Parentline’s Non-Violent Resistance programme

"Child-to-parent violence is often described as ‘the secret side’ of domestic abuse, because parents who experience it struggle so much to talk about it, or even admit it’s happening." Illustration: Paula Dallaghan

Emily Hourican

Child-to-parent violence is often described as ‘the secret side’ of domestic abuse, because parents who experience it struggle so much to talk about it, or even admit it’s happening. There is a sense of shame around it even greater than the shame that can surround the better-known forms of domestic abuse such as partner-to-partner, or parent-to-child. There is also a strong sense of loyalty — parents, by their nature, will mostly try to protect their children at all costs. And sometimes that cost is to themselves.

And yet, it is hugely on the rise. Calls to Parentline, the national confidential helpline that offers support on all aspects of being a parent, relating to this form of domestic violence have seen a dramatic and alarming rise in the last few years. Aileen Hickie, CEO of Parentline, talks about “a 500pc increase in demand and our delivery. Now, one in three calls relates to child-to-parent violence, and 40pc of all calls if you take into account verbal violence. We have tripled the number of volunteers, and we still can’t keep up.”