Asking for a friend: I’m 19 and have only ever had one-night stands or casual situationships. How can I get past the first date?

'You are in college, so many people your age are not usually looking for long-term relationships.' Photo posed

Caroline West

Q: I’m 19 and in my first year at college. I haven’t had a relationship before this, just casual situationships or one-night stands. I would love to be in a relationship but, to be honest, I have no clue where to start. I didn’t grow up in a family where we talked about this and I don’t think my family’s approach to relationships is particularly healthy, for lots of reasons. I would like to meet someone, but I can’t seem to progress things past a first date or something casual. I don’t think I know what I am doing, so I really need some help in figuring out how to have a relationship. I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends but none of them are in relationships anyway, and they just like having hook-ups. I am looking for something a bit more involved. I’m not really one for dating apps as I prefer to meet people in person. Where do I go from here?

Dr West replies: Please don’t feel embarrassed. This is far more common than you think. It’s not fair to expect people to know how to have a relationship when they have never had any training or conversations about it.