“One side thinks you’re trying to get President Trump elected, and the other side thinks you’re trying to get President Biden elected. … You must be doing a great job in your report and during your investigation if you have convinced both sides that you are somewhere in the middle. … When both sides attack you, my admonition is, welcome to Congress.” — Rep. Ken Buck (R-Colo.), during the House Judiciary Committee hearing with Robert Hur, former special counsel for the documents case involving President Biden.
“Mr. Hur, 51, began the hearing as a uniquely unifying figure in divided Washington — a man disdained by Democrats and Republicans alike.” — The New York Times, March 12
Motorist Robert Hur knew he was driving correctly, because everyone was shouting at him. Everyone, on both sides of the street, had lined up to yell. “This is a one-way street!,” some of them were saying. “You should mow down more pedestrians!,” others were yelling. What mattered was that they were all yelling. That was the sign that you were doing something right in Washington, and everyone knew it. He turned on his high beams and smiled.
Captain Robert Hur knew he was flying the plane just right. Everyone on both sides of the aisle was yelling about the job he was doing. Many of them were screaming. He could just make out something about “Please, put the door back on.” Everyone knew the same amount about how to fly planes, and all of their yelling was equally reflective of the job he was doing. It was about volume, not content. He popped another door off.
Skydiving instructor Robert Hur beamed with pride. Not a single person who had skydived with him was pleased about how it had gone. That was the sign you were doing your job well.
Barber Robert Hur’s clients mostly told him that he had not given them the haircuts they requested, but some were boiling mad that there was not a pie shop attached to the barbershop and that all his customers appeared to be leaving the shop alive. One reason for being upset was as good as any other, as long as you were sure to give a reason!
Chef Robert Hur was delighted with his restaurant’s performance. Some patrons were mad that he had put ground glass in the meatloaf, and the others were mad that the helpings of ground glass were so stingy. “Yes, chef,” he whispered to himself.
Special Counsel Robert Hur knew he had nailed his report. All the members of the House of Representatives were mad. Rep. Adam B. Schiff (D-Calif.) was mad that in a report concluding there was insufficient evidence to charge President Biden with improper handling of classified documents, Hur had gone out of his way to remark that a jury would consider Biden a “well-meaning elderly man with a poor memory.” Rep. Tom Tiffany (R-Wis.) was mad because Hur was “part of the Praetorian guard that guards the swamp out here in Washington, D.C., protecting the elites.” But the important thing was that they all seemed to be shouting.
That was good. That meant the report was fair. If everyone is yelling at you, it’s a sign you are doing something right.
