Orange residents Sergio Fraga-Zacarias and Judit Ramirez, both 24, are looking forward to spending Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday — both of which fall on Wednesday, Feb. 14 this year — in prayer together. With both days coinciding, many churches and couples are getting creative.
“Come Ash Wednesday, we’re going to get our ashes, then after for our date night, I think we’re gonna keep it simple. Maybe a simple no-meat dinner, pasta with shrimp,” Fraga-Zacarias said.
Ash Wednesday marks the official start of the solemn 40-day season of Lent: a time of repentance and sacrifice in the Christian faith, that leads to Easter. Many Catholics, evangelicals, Lutherans, and other Christian denominations traditionally observe the day with prayer, fasting, tithing, and abstaining from meat or other luxuries. Many receive symbolic ashes on their forehead in the shape of a cross.
With the days coinciding, many are grappling with balancing romantic dinners with fasting, or giving up things like chocolate and sweets as Valentine’s Day gifts. Many faithful say that the two days share a lot in common, including a universal theme of love that echoes throughout the Christian season and the “Hallmark” holiday celebrating it.
Ash Wednesday is not a fixed date, as its timing is always 46 days before Easter Sunday — which this year is March 31.
To prepare for the start of Lent, Fraga-Zacarias and Ramirez attended a Valentine’s Day-themed talk and swing dance on Wednesday, Feb. 7, at Holy Family Catholic Church in Orange. The couple, who are thinking about getting married, met through their parish’s young adult ministry.
“As a couple, we guide each other towards Christ,” said Ramirez, adding she was looking for a practicing Catholic to marry. “We’ve been dating with intention. So it’s fun to have Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s this year fall on the same day, to discern and pray for each other.”
The themed event was a collaboration with young adult ministries from across the Diocese of Orange. Young adults — couples and those looking for love — came together to hear a talk about dating and marriage followed by a lively swing dance lesson.
At the event, the Rev. Sy Nguyen, pastor at Holy Family Church, said the Lenten season is about honoring the “love of one another and love of Christ, who suffered and died for us, and (whom) we learn to love more during Lent. It’s all interconnected.”
Rev. Cheeyoon Chun at Holy Family said that Lent also contrasts a worldly, secular definition of love.
“The Church needs to be loud about what is truly authentic love, which Christ showed us on the cross, and to relay that sacrifice to our brothers and sisters,” said Chun. “On Ash Wednesday, the ashes are a symbol of who we belong to… that’s something that we need to be reminded.”
Tiffany Do, a volunteer who helped organize the event, said that she loved the idea of couples meeting in fellowship and in a fun, casual social setting — like a dance.
“We are liturgical people; we celebrate things, and we are communal. Even though Valentine’s Day is a secular, commercial holiday, we should celebrate love, celebrate these fun things in the world while still prioritizing our faith… (with) good people who are walking the same path with intention,” Do, 26, said. “There are three people in a relationship: you, your person, and God.”
Jenna Vogeler and John Girone came to the dance from St. Edward the Confessor Church in Dana Point and St. John the Baptist in Costa Mesa, respectively. The two are also praying about getting married, and looking forward to “doing Lent together” — both pointing out that, because Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day coincide, it will perhaps make people think more about the solemn season “more than usual.”
During Lent, Vogeler, 25, plans to stay off social media and her phone, saying she “likes a good challenge — the hardest things might be the best thing, that gives the most growth.” Girone plans to eat one meal a day and find more ways to pray.
“At its foundation, both (Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s) are all about celebrating the love of two people between each other. Lent is the beginning of deepening a love for Christ and the church through fasting,” said Girone, 22. “And with Valentine’s Day, you’re focused on charity and loving the people around you. So it’s like the people around you, and God, are being celebrated on the same day in a way.”
Tying in faith and romance
The last time Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day coincided was in 2018.
Historians and theologians believe that Valentine’s Day takes its name from the story of a medieval-era priest named Valentine who healed and married people in secret sometime during the 1st or 2nd century, said Cecilia González-Andrieu, professor of Theological Studies at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles.
Reports say St. Valentine’s acts defied Roman law, and the priest was martyred for his beliefs. The Roman emperor outlawed marriage so that he could send young men to war with no connections, believing soldiers would be more willing to die in battle.
In the Roman Catholic Church, the holiday was commemorated as the Feast of Saint Valentine until 1969, when the church removed it from its liturgical calendar after different histories claimed multiple canonized saints named Valentine.
Still, as Ash Wednesday and the commercialized Valentine’s Day coincide this year, González-Andrieu sees a universal tie-in: the message of love. Ash Wednesday is a “day of penance, and a reminder to live a life of love and thoughtfulness,” being aware of any sins or grievances, while Valentine’s Day celebrates “bringing more love into the world.”
“It’s so that we get to say, I am sorry for what I have done that has failed to be love … I’m sorry for my mistakes. I’m going to walk these next 40 days aware of that,” said González-Andrieu. “This is a day that is completely about love. That’s our call — to make God present and God is present in love.”
González-Andrieu and her husband plan to keep Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day separate, so that they can focus on both, Then they plan to celebrate the love-filled holiday later this week, to celebrate their marriage.
Eymard Solideo, 31, from Saints Peter and Paul Church in Wilmington, said he plans to observe Ash Wednesday by abstaining from meat, picking up healthy habits throughout Lent and incorporating them into his lifestyle.
Jeremy Rose, an associate pastor of worship and the arts at Lake Avenue Christian Church in Pasadena, said that the church isn’t doing anything specific for Valentine’s Day. But he and his wife usually celebrate Feb. 14 with a night out or grabbing dinner together. This year, they will prioritize observing Ash Wednesday. As Lent starts, they plan to start eating a plant-based diet.
Rose said that while his church doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday together, he sees a faith-filled connection between the two.
“In a way, the right relationship that we acknowledge taking place with Jesus on the cross allowed for the right relationship that we have in marriage and committed relationships,” Rose, 44, said. “I do see a correlation to the greatest love exhibited by Christ on the cross, and a love that we are to exhibit receiving His grace and mercy.”
As Adriana Franco and Greg Montigny approach their first Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, they plan to keep the days separate — with the message of God’s love at the center of their relationship.
The couple recently celebrated the traditional aspects of Valentine’s Day with a romantic meal. They plan to go into Ash Wednesday and Lent together with spiritual exercises such as prayer and fasting, which will be a first for both.
“It’s gonna be a spiritual journey together,” said Franco, 51, who met Montigny in August through a religious retreat. “Normally as a single person, you do the spiritual exercises individually, but we are planning to journey together throughout the 40 days of Lent.”
“We’re going into things with a spiritual mindset… trying to keep God at the center of it as a couple as we move through this together,” said Montigny, 47. “So that we individually connect to Christ, but we also come out the other side, better prepared as a couple for what God has planned for us.”
Added Franco: “St. Augustine of Hippo said, ‘To fall in love with God is the greatest romance.’”