This year, my sense of smell came back, and it’s been wonderful: Food tastes good again, and I’ve been treating myself. My doctor was pleased with my health and told me that I’d edged into the normal weight range for my height.
When I got home, my boyfriend was happy to hear I’m doing well. Then he asked about my weight and seemed surprised when I told him. He said, “Wow, I’d never guess you weigh that much.” A few hours later, he brought it up again, asking whether I planned to get any heavier. I said no and that I’m fine where I am. He agreed but said about eight or 10 pounds less would be better. I asked him why, because the doctor was happy and all my labs are great. He said he thought it was normal for me to be on the thinner side and gave a definite weight he thought I should be. I repeated no, I’m running every day again, and I’m fine where I am.
The next day, he brought it up again, asking whether I was going to weigh myself once a week to keep track. When I straight-up asked him why he was so focused on this, he said he didn’t really care that much. I’m not convinced, because he’s still bringing it up. This morning, when I kissed him goodbye, he asked whether I’d weighed myself and tried to get me to check it with him right then. What do you think?
— On the Thin Side
On the Thin Side: I think, buh-bye!
I don’t see what there is to interpret. He tells you (daily!) exactly who he is and what he values. “Better to be underweight!” He’s as subtle as a wet T-shirt. But the effect of his bias on you was masked by your never having gained until now.
Suggested script: “Hey, I’m glad you asked about my weight, again, for the fourth time in a week, as I feel the best I’ve felt in years. Here’s my plan: I plan to get heavier at times, and lighter at others, based on changing circumstances — because I am a normal person with a normal body. I plan to keep meticulous track of my weight, except when I don’t.
“Speaking of the future: Do you plan to keep being a total [glass bowl]?”
I suspect you will find your people are eager to help you bounce back from this breakup.
Re: Weight: It doesn’t get better with people like this. They measure their self-worth by how attractive their partners are. I know because I dated one of these jackwagons. You are not a trophy. Put those running shoes back on and head for the door.
— Anonymous
Anonymous: I am posting this for its truth, efficiency and “jackwagons.” I flinched, though, at equating “thin” with “attractive.” Can we say “stereotypically ‘attractive’”? Or does that kill the vibe?
Other readers say:
· Break up with your boyfriend immediately. I hope a flood of people are writing to say this. That you don’t realize this is scary, controlling behavior is worrying to me.
· Your boyfriend is saying he values you thin more than happy or healthy.
