Many people may agree that parenting teens is hard, especially when they are on the cusp of adulthood. One Reddit user has recently been slammed online for locking their daughter out of her college fund account.
User Beneficial-Bottle693 has turned to the internet for advice following a row with their 17-year-old daughter who has used a lump sum of her college fund for a "once in a lifetime experience."
On October 17, the parent began a lengthy post by stating the teen has a "good sizeable chunk of money" saved in her college funds. The original poster didn't specify the currency, but explained the teen added 5,000 to her fund, despite having a separate savings account.
Recently, the daughter begged her parent to let her attend a convention in Australia, where her girlfriend lives. However, the original poster said no.
"But the [convention] is set for after her 18th. I can't stop her if she pays for it. (I assumed she would use her savings)," the OP wrote.
To the parent's surprise, she discovered that a lump sum of money was missing from the college fund. The daughter admitted she used it to pay for her plane ticket, her partner's tickets, the event tickets, and a hotel.
"All in all she's taken about 10k," they wrote.
"I lost it, honestly, [I] demanded she cancel, which fell on deaf ears. I tried to cancel for her but she won't be refunded everything, so I'm hesitant to do so."
"She's insisting that it's her money and she can do what she likes with it," they said.
The "incredibly angry" parent told the daughter to "say goodbye to the rest of her college fund" as they have now locked the account. Something other Redditors believe should have been done anyway.
The parent concludes the post by stating that their mother-in-law is willing to put the money back into the fund. But they are reluctant to accept as this isn't teaching the teenager a good life lesson.
Newsweek discussed the post that has 6,400 upvotes with clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Bishop.
Bishop based in Birmingham, U.K. said: "It's natural to feel concerned and unsure about how to handle this issue. There has been a breach of trust and money taken without consent so it's understandable to feel angry about this."
Bishop had some advice for the parent, saying, "Try to regulate the difficult feelings that it has triggered so that you can initiate a calm, open and honest conversation with your daughter.
"Both compassion and accountability can coexist without resorting to a heated argument or completely excusing her actions. It's important to find a balance between understanding her circumstances and holding her responsible for her choices.
"Try to relate to where she had got to at the point she made the decision to take the money. Having common ground and compassion for her can help to maintain the relationship and create a balanced agreement about next steps."
Bishop told Newsweek: "It is important for teenagers to be held accountable for taking money that was not agreed to, because it will help them learn from their actions and develop responsible financial habits.
"Taking responsibility teaches them the consequences of their decisions and encourages them to think before making impulsive purchases. It also helps them develop problem-solving skills and a sense of independence, empowering them to become financially responsible adults. It will be important that she understands your reasons for imposing limits or restricting access around the finances from now on."
Bishop encourages the parent to be mindful of this and set a positive model for her to follow as there are "valuable lessons" to be learned from this situation.
In fewer than 24 hours, the post has racked up more than 2,500 votes. The top comment alone has 11,200 votes.
It said: "You put the money into the fund to send your daughter to college, not to some fan convention in Australia. Now you are making sure that that money doesn't help send your daughter to college. If this is your way of getting your daughter to college, it stinks.
"I can't help but note that you (the responsible adult) didn't set up the account with the withdrawal protections that you could have. You should have been wise enough to know that a 17-year-old with free access to that big of a pile of cash shouldn't have access to it without any limits. (That in no way excuses your daughter, but it does mean that you should have had more foresight into the folly that teens can do.)
"MIL (mother-in-law) is putting herself in where she isn't needed. She needs to understand that it isn't about dollars, it's about being responsible. NTA (not the a******) for telling your daughter that she isn't getting the money. But you would be a real idiot if you followed through with that to the extent of emptying the account, depriving yourself of the option to change your mind when you cool down and are looking at a high school graduate who needs a job."
Another person said: "Nah, the OP can pay the college fees from that money directly, the kid shouldn't have access at all and doesn't need access for the money to go towards college."
Newsweek reached out to Beneficial-Bottle693 for comment.
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