A man who bought his daughter a car has been applauded for refusing to do the same for her stepsibling, despite angering his wife.
In a post shared to Reddit under the handle u/hydroplane01, a user claiming to be both a dad and stepdad wrote how he promised his daughter "Christina" that, if she kept her Grade Point Average (GPA) above 3.9 during her junior year, he would buy her a $20,000 car.
With Christina maintaining a 4.0 GPA, the dad duly delivered on that promise. However, at the same time, his wife, "Jenny", began to put pressure on him to do the same for her daughter, his stepdaughter, "Emily". This was despite the fact her GPA stood at 2.7 and, as the poster wrote, she "spends more time curating her Instagram than doing her homework." As a result, the father refused to comply with his wife's request.
Both his wife and stepdaughter have been giving the dad the cold shoulder over the decision. Carole Cox is a licensed marriage and family therapist with Thriveworks, a nationwide counseling service offering in-person and online therapy. She told Newsweek: "It appears that there are two vastly different parenting styles and expectations."
Research suggests conflicts between stepdads and teenage children are a common issue. In a 2008 study published in the journal Child: Care, Health and Development, researchers highlighted the occasionally fraught relationship that stepdads have with their adolescent kids.
A group of 435 fathers of youths aged 11 to 18 were asked a series of questions about their teens' behavior. The dads interviewed were asked to rate their children in several categories such as whether they were "constantly fidgeting or squirming" or "steals from home, school or elsewhere."
The fathers quizzed were also asked to rate themselves as parents via questions touching on issues around discipline, teaching and encouragement. Researchers found that, compared to biological fathers taking part, stepdads spent less time praising their teens and more time highlighting bad behavior.
That certainly appears to be the case with the stepdad featured in this particular Reddit post. When he said to his wife that his daughter "received her car as a reward for good grades, not as a given" and that he would help his stepdaughter pick out a car if she got her GPA up to 3.9, he got a frosty response with his wife explaining Emily's circumstances were different.
"Emily's bio dad was a very wealthy man who spoiled the c*** out of her," the Reddit user wrote. "She didn't try in school because her dad promised he would get her into any college she wanted, and give her a job at his company afterwards. Then, when Emily was 12, her dad was arrested for serious tax fraud."
Emily's father is in prison now and she is no longer living the life of luxury she was used to. Because of this, her stepdad appeared convinced that his approach was for the best.
"Emily is very hurt by what happened, and she also hasn't had the chance to develop a work ethic," he wrote. "I told Jenny that I think my only wrongdoing was not helping Emily develop a work ethic sooner, and that my hope is that she rises to the occasion, cleans up her act, and gets the car."
Cox said: "In Jenny and Emily's case, there appears to be the expectation that 'I do not have to work for anything, it will be given to me whenever I ask for it.' In Dad and Christina's case, there is the value system of hard work ethic, the teaching of life skills that nothing is handed to us in life. In all fairness to Dad, he really did not have enough time to 'teach Emily a work ethic sooner' if these expectations have endured for 12 years' time."
Cox added that ultimately both the Reddit user and his wife need to be seen and heard on this issue but expressed concern that mother and daughter had developed an unhealthy coalition against the dad.
"Jenny and Dad need to establish leadership in the family system. Right now, it appears that Jenny and Emily have formed their own idea of who is 'in charge' and joined against Dad," Cox said. "I would strongly suggest that Dad stick to his convictions. If he relents this time, what happens next time?"
Those commenting on Reddit also backed the dad's stance. "You are amazingly generous to make this offer to Emily," one user wrote. "The conditions are absolutely fair and reasonable by any measure - no one is owed a car."
A second commented: "wife and stepdaughter are acting entitled... If the stepdaughter doesn't like the offer, too bad. Tell her to suck it up and deal."
A third added: "they should be grateful for whatever help or deal he offers."
Newsweek reached out to u/hydroplane01 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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