A 47-year-old grandpa has been dragged by the Internet after revealing the reason he refuses to babysit his grandson or to spend more time with him than he feels is necessary.
In a post shared on Reddit in August, under the username u/Valuable-Builder-733, he explained that when he was 21 years old, his then-girlfriend got pregnant with his son, Jake, and because she decided to keep him, he "always tried to do right by [him]," even though he never wanted to be a parent.
He wrote: "I would have him every other weekend and for a month during the summer, would do my best to deliver on anything he asked of me, treated him kindly, and tried to be a good father. Then at a certain point, his mother married a guy Jake hated and I had him move in with me once he was 13."
"I won't lie, I wasn't cut out to be a parent. I love Jake, but I just hated parenting. I did it anyway since he was my son. We have a very good relationship, and I've never shirked any responsibility to him."
The poster is not the only American who didn't plan on having kids in his life. According to research by Ohio State University published by Science Daily, the percentage of people who said they don't plan to have any children has increased, from about 5-8 percent in the 1960s and 1970s to 8-16 percent in the 1990s and 2000s.
The poster's son also became a father at 21 years old, and now has a five-year-old son with his wife that he planned and wanted. The only problem is that Jake has now asked his dad to be more involved in his grandson's life, which he refuses to do.
"Then the conversation turned to how I'd help him. I told him no. I am retired from parenting. I am turning back to my own life. He has his own home, union job, is engaged, and [is] adult enough to decide to have a baby. He's the adult now. He's the parent. I'll be around and if there are any emergencies, obviously I'll do what I can. But I won't be an 'active' grandparent."
He continued saying that he'd rather be jetting off to Thailand with his girlfriend and enjoy its warm sunsets by the beach, rather than having to go to his grandson's games or babysit him.
"I didn't tell Jake this, but I spent so many Saturdays bored out of my skull watching Little League when Jake was little. I always cheered loudly, was crazy supportive and never let on that it was like watching paint dry. But this is no longer my responsibility," he wrote.
His son now blames him for "not putting him first," but he won't change his mind and is ready to go no contact if that's what it takes to finally get his freedom back.
Weighing in on the issue, psychiatrist Carole Lieberman told Newsweek that the son sensed that his father was really "not into" being a dad, but reluctantly tried to be there for him.
She said: "The son's requests for his father to babysit and attend his son's football games are really requests for the father to show love for the grandson that he didn't show enough of for his son. It's the son's way of trying to vicariously get what he needs through his own son.
"The father isn't obligated to do things for the grandson, but he's missing out on opportunities to create a closer bond and have fun with his son and grandson that could be more enjoyable than Thailand's sunsets. He should have enough time to do both.
"An underlying issue for both men is their resentment of the women who had their babies. Why isn't the mother of the son's baby in the picture to babysit and go to games? She is the one who should be sharing childcare, not the father."
The post quickly went viral on social media, and it has so far received over 9,800 upvotes and 3,700 comments on Reddit.
One user, Huge_Researcher7679, commented: "You might not be [the a******], but you're ruining your relationship with your son by essentially telling 'I don't care about being actively involved in your life, I've already done the bare minimum expected of me and I won't do more.' Do you want him to go no contact with you? Because that's the direction this is heading in."
User Great_Cranberry6065 said: "[Not the A******]. It's your life so live it how you want. I don't think Jake's expectations are that unreasonable, though. You are a pretty terrible father now. Parenthood isn't a job that you retire from."
Dependent_Lobster_18 said: "[You're The A******]. I wouldn't consider going to an occasional little league game or going to the zoo with your son and grandson 'parenting' more like being a loving grandparent. Then again if that's all you did for the first 13 years of your son's life I suppose you would consider that parenting."
Newsweek reached out to u/Valuable-Builder-733, for comment via Reddit chat. We could not verify the details of the case.
