A father-of-the-bride has been backed for refusing to include his daughter's terminally ill stepdad in the wedding ceremony, despite her pleas for him to do so.
Weddings in America today can be costly affairs. According to The Knot's 2023 Global Wedding Report, the average cost of a wedding in the U.S. today stands at an eye-watering $30,000.
Given that kind of outlay, it's perhaps understandable that the bride and groom would want everything to be planned out exactly as they wish.
However, one happy couple who had been hoping to include both the bride's father and stepfather in the ceremony has had those plans vetoed by her biological dad.
Writing in a post shared to Reddit under the handle u/Numerous_Ways9705, detailed his long-running issues with "Sam", his ex-wife's second husband who helped raise his two kids after the marriage ended.
According to the post, Emily, his daughter, the bride-to-be, has "always adored Sam" yet he has always hated him. "For years he would work on getting under my skin, saying I wasn't a good enough dad to my daughter because I wasn't enough and she considered him her dad too," the dad wrote.
"He'd tell me every single time she had called him Daddy Sam or Dad Sam. When I told him he was being childish he'd tell me in return that he knew it cut me up inside to have to share her affection as dad."
During this time, the dad remembered how Sam would tell him that "one day he would be walking her down the aisle and maybe she'd even want him to do it alone."
However, last year Sam was diagnosed with motor neuron disease. "He's now in a wheelchair and has lost his mobility and his speech has suffered greatly," the dad wrote.
A couple of weeks ago, Emily told him that she wanted both of them to walk her down the aisle as a "special tribute" to Sam but despite years of restraint, the dad refused to bow to her request.
"I told her Sam and I did not have a positive relationship and there is no way I would ever spend my money or time doing something nice for the man," the dad said. "I told her he had treated me poorly over the years and I accepted she loved him. But he was not worthy of my money or that effort in my eyes."
Despite the pleas of both his daughter and her future husband, the dad has so far refused to acquiesce, leaving the family at odds with one another ahead of the big day.
Should both fathers walk her down the aisle?
JustAnswer family therapist, LCSW and relationships expert Jennifer Kelman told Newsweek: "These situations are dicey and bring up many emotions from the past. The Dad is absolutely entitled to his feelings about not wanting to include the stepdad in the ceremony, but refusing to have him participate may hurt his relationship with his daughter forever.
"The stepdad is important to Emily, and while he has been a thorn in the Dad's side for years, it may be best to let Emily have her wishes and desires in this matter. I can understand that the Dad might feel the stepdad has 'won' in this ongoing battle to be the 'best Dad,' but it isn't about that...it is about honoring his daughter's feelings, even if it hurts inside."
Kelman's advice ran contrary to the comments of many on Reddit who applauded the dad's refusal to back down. "She [Emily] can't expect others to forget or ignore their own mistreatment by Sam just to make her happy," one user wrote. "She is an adult. She should know better."
A second wrote: "If Sam had been a normal stepdad and didn't go out of his way to try to separate [the father] from his daughter and make snide and nasty comments all the time, then I could see sharing the wedding somehow might be reasonable. But that's not what has happened here."
A third user added: "She's free to honor him. She's not free to expect anyone else to share in her honor of him."
Despite the reaction online, Kelman urged the dad to talk things through with his daughter and, ultimately, find a way to abide by her wishes.
"He can also let her know his feelings of insecurity and how he has always wanted to be the best Dad for her," she said. "His heart for her is big enough to recognize this need in her, especially now, since the stepfather is suffering from a serious illness. It may not be easy in the short term, but the long-term health of the father-daughter relationship is what is most important."
Newsweek reached out to u/Numerous_Ways9705 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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