A woman has been advised to ditch her "crazy" boyfriend after he planned a surprise wedding without her knowledge.
Sharing her story to Reddit's r/AmItheA****** (AITA) sub, user u/Unexpectedlymarried said that her long-term boyfriend Mark, 32, invited her to a "fancy party." However, when she arrived at the venue she discovered it was a surprise wedding—and she was the bride.
"As I entered the grand hall, I was completely taken aback to see all of our family, friends, and acquaintances gathered, eagerly waiting," she wrote.
"Mark had orchestrated an elaborate surprise wedding for us without my knowledge."
Although the couple have discussed getting married, they are not engaged and had no plans for a wedding in the immediate future.
"Everyone erupted into applause as I stood there, shocked and overwhelmed," she said.
"While I love Mark and had dreamed of our future together, the idea of getting married without any prior discussion or consent felt like a breach of trust."
When she expressed her concerns to Mark, he brushed them off. She decided not to go ahead with the wedding, "disappointing and confusing" their guests.
"I explained that I wanted a say in the planning process, to be part of the decision-making, and to have the chance to prepare mentally and emotionally for such a significant milestone in our lives," she wrote.
Mark has been angry with her ever since, as are some of their mutual friends, telling the poster that she ruined a "beautiful moment."
"Everyone's excuse for this is I have always talked about marrying Mark. And again the problem isn't marrying him, the problem is not having any say in my wedding," she said.
Although public proposals are nothing new, surprise weddings are a more recent development. However, these events are usually a surprise for the guests, not the bride or groom.
Nia Williams, founder of Miss Date Doctor, said the success of a surprise wedding depends on the dynamics of the couple, including their values and communication skills.
"It can be a wonderful experience when executed with care and consideration, but are you sure that your partner is 100 percent committed to your union?" she told Newsweek.
"It is vital to ensure both partners are genuinely comfortable with the idea and to be mindful of the potential impact on relationships."
A surprise wedding may seem romantic in theory, but if both partners aren't on the same page about their future, then a secret ceremony is a recipe for disaster.
"It may highlight the need for better communication, trust, and consideration of others' feelings," she said.
Reddit users were disturbed by the reaction of Mark and the guests, voting Unexpectedlymarried "Not the A******" (NTA) in the situation.
"Get the hell out of that relationship," warned GhalanSmokescale.
"Huge red flag," agreed FloMoJoeBlow.
"Normal people don't spring a surprise wedding on someone. Especially when they aren't even engaged," commented LyricallyDevine.
"Clearly he added 2 + 2 and got 5, missing the very important variable of personal autonomy," wrote SellQuick.
"He took zero consideration into what she wanted for what she feels is a huge once in a lifetime experience for her," said junroku.
"A wedding that the other party doesn't know about isn't a surprise, it's an ambush. It's entrapment," commented AdmiralCheesecake.
"SHE should RUN," said Capable_Fig3903.
"His blatant disregard for boundaries is astounding," wrote jonquil14. "This is just the beginning."
Newsweek reached out to u/Unexpectedlymarried for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
