I Have Custody Of My Nieces, Now My Sister Wants Them—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, I have full custody of my two little nieces. They are 5 and 4 years old, respectively, and I'm 54 years old.

Long story short, their mother is in prison for drinking under the influence and drugs charges.

She now wants to fight for custody of them, but they have been with me all their lives.

She has another two children that she also doesn't have custody of. They live with her father.

I don't want to lose these girls, and I don't believe my sister can look after them properly, but I'm scared she'll win. She goes up for parole in January 2024.

What advice would you suggest?

Cynthia, Idaho

I Have Seen Many That Struggled With Addiction Recover And Do Great Things

Derek Jacques is a family law attorney with The Mitten Law Firm in Michigan.

First, I think it needs to be pointed out that those two little girls are lucky to have an aunt that was willing to step up in a hard situation and care for them. Much of what happens with child custody is dependent on the state, but the vast majority of states consider "the best interests of the child/children" as the standard for how to make custody decisions. Of course, I would hire a good family law attorney that specializes in child custody, but it sounds like you have been awarded full custody already. Although your sister is the birth parent of your nieces, you can clearly demonstrate how living with you full-time has benefitted them. There is clearly a public record of your sister being an unfit parent, and demonstrating that contrast in a custody battle is what it will take to retain your custodial rights.

Now, it may be possible, in the future, and depending on how your sister decides to respond to her current situation, that you can work on some sort of visitation schedule with her and her daughters. I have seen many that struggled with addiction and alcoholism recover and do great things, so anything is possible. I always tell my clients to leave the door open, even if it's just ajar. I think you're doing all of the right things by those girls, and a court would see it that way as well."

It's Always Good To Have Objective Evidence That Supports Your Concerns

Susan P. Horton is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and best-selling author of Raising a Resilient Family: How to Create Strong Connection and Communication in a Deeply Distracted World.

I can tell you truly love your nieces and I applaud your courage in caring for them at such a vulnerable time in their lives. I know this will be a difficult process as custody cases quite often side with the biological mother. I would hire a licensed therapist to evaluate if your nieces have suffered any early trauma due to your sister's previous lifestyle. It's always good to have objective evidence that supports your concerns during a custody case. I also think it would be important to check in with the girls, maybe with the same therapist present, to see how they feel about returning to their mother's life.

Giving a therapist witness to your bond with the girls, as well as any issues they might have with returning to their mother's care and sharing that in court will also help your case. Additionally, if there are any other professionals like teachers, counselors at their preschool, or pediatricians that witnessed anything concerning while your sister had custody in the past, having them testify is also important. I would also add that if your sister does get awarded custody, there should be a stipulation in the court document that you retain consistent access and visitation with the girls. I don't think any judge would deny that privilege to you.