Asking for a friend: ‘My partner and I have a child and our relationship is good, but I can’t stop thinking about my ex. How can I move on?’

Q: I am really struggling with figuring out what to do about the state of my relationship. I’m in a relationship with another woman and we have a toddler together. We had a rocky start and broke up a few times in the past, each time for a month or two. Whenever we broke up, I got with an ex of mine from college, but each time, it was just a fling, and I would return to my current relationship. My partner never asked me for any details and didn’t want to talk about it if I tried to talk. We have now been solid together without any big fights since the pandemic, and everything has been good overall. However, I cannot stop thinking about my ex, and I can’t figure out why. My partner is wonderful and a good mother, but I really always enjoyed time with my ex. The only reason we broke up the first time was because she moved away after college. My ex was the one to break up with me the very first time, and a couple of other times she was the one to call things off. She knows about my current partner too so I can’t help thinking she breaks up with me to hurt me. I never knew if she wanted something more serious with me. I always worry that I hurt her by going back to my current partner each time. I feel guilty even thinking about this and feel like I’m risking hurting everyone around me and, if I don’t cop on, I’ll lose everything. I really wish I could move on from this but I don’t know where to start.