"It's okay to not be okay," Ames Police Commander Jason Tuttle said. "It's okay to admit we need help."

Tuttle and Cornerstone Church founder Troy Nesbitt have both navigated unique healing paths following the deaths of Eden Montagn and Vivian Flores on June 2, 2022.

John Whitlatch shot and killed Montang and Flores in the Cornerstone Church parking lot and took his own life, a tragic end to a lengthy domestic battle.

Nesbitt and Tuttle were on the scene the night of the killings. They both experienced proper resources as well as a strong support system can change lives.

The church, along with Ames Police Department's Mental Health Advocate Julie Saxton, have concrete advice and tools for others to reference when suffering from physical, emotional and mental wounds.

A year after the tragedy, Nesbit focuses on work that helps others. He's devoted to recovery and looking toward the future. A February shooting on a college campus in Michigan required his assistance, and Nesbitt sprang to action.

"We have The Salt Company at Michigan State University. We helped our students through that shooting" Nesbitt said. "I'm giving myself fully to The Salt Network with 28 churches and 30 Salt Companies around the country."

The Salt Network is the church's college student outreach program.

Violence is often unpredictable, but paying attention to the warning signs can make a big difference, Saxton said.

Assuming violence is caused by mental illness is 'completely wrong'

Violence is rarely connected to mental illness, Saxton said.

"For the most part there is a misconception that people with mental illness are violent," she said. "That is completely wrong. Typically, people with mental illness are the victims of violence, not the perpetrators."

Rather, Saxton said, violent people are more likely to have violent tendencies, be narcissistic or posses a need to control others. The shooting was a result of an abuser wanting control, she said

"We are not seeing them in a psychotic or delusional state of mind," Saxton said. "Instead, they are exhibiting controlling behavior that leads to violence," she said.

Victims need to develop a plan that will allow them to escape the violence, Saxton said. That could include squirreling away some emergency money, even just a few dollars. Keeping a list of important phone numbers or memorizing that list is vital. If keeping a small bag of clothing and supplies packed isn't possible, be prepared to leave immediately because safety is more important than material objects.

Saxton suggests contacting one of the many counselors and therapists in the Ames area for anyone considering violence in a relationship. Another source is to speak to a trusted physician or a friend to seek help.

Trauma from an abusive relationship can have long-lasting effects. The sooner it is addressed, the better the outcome.

"Many people have the perception that trauma is something like war, a car accident or a natural disaster," Saxton said. "But trauma is also abuse. Neglect is trauma. Not having enough food is a trauma.

The first thing is to recognize that you went through something. You have experienced something that has caused you physical or emotional harm."

Montang, as previously reported, had ended her relationship with Whitlatch before that June night and had a restraining order against him.

This week, Story County Sheriff Office Captain Nicholas Lennie stated that Montang also had a gun permit and did have a gun with her at the time of the shooting. He said he couldn't confirm whether she had the gun affixed to her hip or in her purse that evening.

Montang and Whitlatch, both of Boone, served in the same Iowa National Guard unit, officials said last year. Whitlatch was arrested two days before the shooting for allegedly harassing Montang. He was released after posting bond.

More: Ames Cornerstone Church shooting: One year later, congregation reflects on healing process

Where to find help?

Leaving an abusive relationship may be the end goal, but it's often not as easy as it may seem. Saxton said simply having external resources at the victim's disposal is vital. It helps build a necessary foundation.

"You don’t have to go through that alone," she said. "People will say, 'Why didn’t so-and-so leave an abusive situation?' But it's so much more complicated than that. We typically don’t see people leaving those relationships until they feel strong enough. Until they have the support to be able to do that."

Saxton said victims should also reach out to someone and tell them what is happening. Victims can go to the Ames Police Department or to the Mary Greeley Medical Center Emergency Room to ask for help. A specific resource for domestic abuse victims is ACCESS in Ames at 515-292-0500.

More: Ames tried changing who responds to some 911 calls. Here's why it's renewing the test.

"When you are in those abusive type of relationships, it’s not as easy to get out of them as people think," Saxton said. "Just telling somebody so you don’t have to go through that alone can be the first step."

Tuttle has leaned on his expertise since last June's shooting, suggesting people turn to the Mobile Crisis Team at CICS (855-581-8111). Another source is the Alternative Response for Community Health at 515-239-2147.

"It's okay to lean on others," Tuttle said. "I know I've had to do that. I've had a community of people around me to lift me up and carry me along the way. We all need this. A friend, pastor. Whoever it may be. I can't imagine trying to walk through something like this without a group of people to show me the light through the darkness."

Teresa Kay Albertson covers politics, crime, courts and local government in Ames and central Iowa for the Ames Tribune and Des Moines Register. Reach her on Twitter @TeresaAlberts11 and at talbertson@registermedia.com, 515-419-6098.

.

This article originally appeared on Ames Tribune: Healing from Cornerstone Church shooting leads to trauma support