Woman Denying Stepson Family Heirloom to Propose With Backed: 'Told Him No'

A post about a woman refusing to pass down a family heirloom ring to her stepson who wants to propose to his girlfriend has gone viral on Reddit, where it has 12,500 upvotes.

In the post shared under the username Shot-Management-2196, the 49-year-old woman wrote that she has been with her husband Bill, 50, for the past 20 years. Bill has two kids (31-year-old Jim and Paige, 27), while the couple share one biological child (their 16-year-old son, Harry).

Jim and Paige were 9 and 5 when their mother passed away. The poster explained: "Both kids were somewhat hostile towards me at first, which I understand because they lost their mom."

Stepfamilies face can be challenging to navigate. "Under the best conditions, it may take two to four years for a new stepfamily to adjust to living together," the American Psychological Association (APA) says.

Research has shown that children under the age of 10 tend to be more accepting of a new grownup in the family, "particularly when the adult is a positive influence," the association says. But older adolescents (those aged 15 and older) "may have less investment in stepfamily life," the APA adds.

While Paige "eventually warmed up" to her, the poster wrote: "Jim on the other hand continued to be mean and hostile."

So, when he recently asked to be given the poster's engagement ring, which has been "a family heirloom for generations," the stepmom "told him 'no'."

The Reddit poster wrote that she "made an effort" to treat her stepchildren like her "own child." Paige later saw her "a trusted confidant and maternal figure."

The poster explained that she's never treated Jim "poorly or antagonized him." Yet he allegedly would make "misogynistic statements" such as, "It's your job as the woman to clean the dishes" when asked to clean his plate. Jim would call her a b**** if her back was turned.

The stepmom's engagement ring has been a family heirloom for several generations. "My husband got the ring from my mom to propose to me. I told all 3 children about this heirloom a few years ago," she explained.

Jim, who has a girlfriend to whom he intends to propose, called the poster "out of the blue one day." He asked for the ring, and the poster refused to share the heirloom.

The stepmom wrote: "When he asked why, I told him it was because of how he has treated me all these years and how he continues to treat me and I don't want my family heirloom going to someone who sees me as vermin."

She told him that the ring will go to Paige when she gets engaged. Jim allegedly "lost his s***" and accused the poster of "playing favorites."

'Not Everybody Is Going to Be Happy'

John Sovec, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) based in Pasadena, California, told Newsweek: "Although this situation is highly charged and tense, it is within the right of the giver to decide where and to whom they want to pass on the heirloom, realizing that not everybody is going to be happy with their decision."

'The Heritage of How We Treat People'

Sovec explained that, for many, family heirlooms signify "the family heritage and history, are representative of family wealth and prestige, and often carry treasured memories that reflect on the emotional stories of the family." Handed down from generations, the stories behind an heirloom carry on the legacy of the family lore.

Sovec said: "The heritage of how we treat people can be a huge factor in their desire to pass on that legacy. When a trusting respectful relationship exists, it can feel like a natural progression of handing on the family lore."

However, when the relationship is unhealthy, it can feel impossible to want to pass on an heirloom. "Less for their value but more for the lack of trust that the history and provenance of the items will be respected," Sovec added.

'Entitled'

Several users on Reddit sided with the original poster.

In a comment with 22,000 upvotes, IntrospectOnIt wrote: "...you're not even his biological mom, why does he need YOUR family heirloom if he hasn't welcomed you into his family?... he's had plenty of time to grow up and treat you like a real person..."

User and_now_we commented: "Jim is an entitled a******, Paige deserves that ring..."

AffectionateOwl5824 wrote: "Jim has made it extremely clear that you aren't his mother and he isn't your child. Period. End of discussion."

User yachtr0ck posted that Jim "just never accepted her as a maternal figure and treated her like crap. Terrible."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.

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