Mother-in-Law Banned From Entering Son's Home Praised: 'She Made Her Bed'

A woman recently turned her crying mother-in-law away after she turned up on her doorstep after her husband "trashed her house and left her."

User asdwrgaf told Reddit that her husband's father died when he was younger, and his mother remarried "a man who was horribly abusive to him up until he moved out." She explains that her husband tried to tell his mother about the abuse for years, "but she just wouldn't believe it. It got to the point that for his own wellbeing he just couldn't be around her anymore."

The Redditor claims her mother-in-law said "she realized her son was telling the truth" and that she "didn't have anyone," and "she begged to talk to my husband."

"I said she made her bed, now is the time to lay in it, and it wasn't going to be in my f****** house," she said, and described her mother-in-law as "hysterical" when she left. She went on to say that her husband experienced a panic attack and has "been too depressed to get out of bed since."

Despite saying "I really don't care for the woman," she grappled with her feelings afterwards, describing herself as feeling "absolutely terrible. Berating someone in tears never feels good, and now I think I might've just made things worse."

Newsweek spoke to Dr. Chloe Carmichael, clinical psychologist and author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety, about the family situation.

"I don't think there's a simple black and white answer, but I can certainly understand why the woman is having second thoughts about immediately rejecting the apology of what may have been a co-dependent woman who was having an important moment of clarity and attempting to rekindle an important family relationship with a heartfelt apology," Carmichael told Newsweek.

"I thought it was notable that it appears she sent the mother-in-law away with a strong admonishment, without first consulting the son/husband. I can understand her wanting to let her husband know that she was support him no matter what he decided to do, but for the daughter-in-law to insert herself as the primary navigator seems potentially problematic or domineering."

"This can often happen when we genuinely want to protect loved ones: our efforts to protect can inadvertently become micromanaging or controlling. Especially since part of the son's issues included a historical lack of empowerment with his mother, it might have been better to let him speak directly with his mother and decide for himself how he wanted to proceed. The fact that he is now bed-ridden and suffering panic attacks suggests that there is something unresolved. It might be helpful to visit a family therapist who can help them all with perspective taking, forgiveness (if desired), and healthy boundaries."

The post received over 9,100 upvotes as users voted that asdwrgaf was "not the a******."

One user said: "NTA she needed to be told! Didn't care when it was happening to her son but oh it's the end of the world when it happened to her! Good for you!! Hold your head up high and keep looking after your husband."

Some users disagreed and sided with Carmichael, believing that the woman acted inappropriately. "YTA if you didn't give your husband the option or choice of what to do. I totally get why you did it, and I'm sure she deserved it—but that should have been his decision. She's an awful person, but it's his mom and his choice to make," said another user.

Newsweek has reached out to user asdwrgaf via Reddit for comment.

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