Fierce Debate as Woman Expects Partner to Prioritize Her by Giving Up Dog  

A post about a person feeling "stressed" about having to rehome their dog because their girlfriend is allergic to dogs has gone viral on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based forum.

The post was shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum, where it received over 800 votes. User CanineConundrum explained: "I'd like my DP [dear partner] to move in with me and we said we'd do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we've recently discovered she's allergic." She also "struggles with the dog hair/smells."

The poster explained that they're "understandably quite upset" at the thought of rehoming their dog. But with June fast approaching, their girlfriend is "frustrated" with the lack of progress on the matter.

In a later post, the user explained that they've had the dog for four years and been with their partner for just under a year.

Dog trainer Ali Smith, the founder of Rebarkable, told Newsweek it should never be about "it's me or the dog," especially if the dog came first. "There are far too many dogs in rescue [centers] for allergies to be the whole reason for surrendering a dog."

While not every couple may want or be able to house a dog or other pets, having one can be beneficial for romantic relationships, according to a September 2016 study in the peer-reviewed journal Anthrozoös.

The study found that pet ownership was associated with several benefits for relationships. These include "greater overall relationship quality, partner responsiveness, adjustment and relational investment," compared to couples without pets.

The study said: "A pet might provide the opportunity to practice empathic abilities, which is a crucial ability in the maintenance of positive relationships."

The findings showed that "the number of years an individual owned a pet was positively correlated with empathic concern, which in turn was linked to several relationship benefits," such as commitment, couple identity and relationship maintenance behaviors.

The user in the Mumsnet post wrote that their partner understands it's been difficult for them. But she also "sees this as me not being proactive as we aren't really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed...she gets teary as I haven't really put a plan in place."

They've considered asking family or a friend to house the pet. "They are all animal lovers, so I'm sure at least one of them will say yes," the user wrote. But "I haven't mentioned it to them as it's hard for me to think about," the poster added.

In a later comment, the user explained that they realize the possibility that the couple could "not go the distance once she moves in." This is why they'd want to rehome the dog with family, so they can at least visit the dog.

Communicate, Empathize and Work Together

Certified life coach Dawna Jarvis told Newsweek: "Navigating a relationship where a partner's health is in conflict with the emotional attachment to a pet can be challenging."

Below are some ways to move forward, as outlined by Jarvis and Smith:

Open Communication

It's crucial for both partners to discuss their feelings and concerns openly and honestly to better understand each other's perspectives, Jarvis advised.

Acknowledge the Sacrifice

It's important for the partner who is allergic to recognize the emotional pain involved in the situation. Expressing gratitude and understanding for the sacrifice being made can help ease the burden, Jarvis added.

Explore Alternatives

Research potential alternatives to rehoming the dog. Jarvis suggested getting advice from a veterinarian or an allergy specialist for possible treatments or ways to minimize allergens at home.

Smith said there are plenty of other ways that the couple "can make this work," from allergy tablets to pet-friendly air purifiers and robot vacuums. "The partner moving in should definitely at least try living with the dog," Smith added.

Set a Timeline

To prevent further misunderstandings, Jarvis suggested setting a specific timeline for deciding on the best course of action. "This ensures that both partners are on the same page and are working together to find a solution."

'Ditch the Girlfriend, Not the Dog'

The latest viral post has sparked debate among users on Mumsnet

Toocooltoboogie wrote: "I would find this so hard. I really feel for you...it's a lot to ask someone to rehome their dog. She could at least explore the option."

MayThe4th posted: "Ditch the girlfriend not the dog...I wouldn't have got involved with someone with an allergy significant enough that having a future together would mean rehoming my dog."

MichelleScarn agreed, writing: "I don't think it would be fair to boomerang the dog between homes depending on how your relationship goes."

Merrow was more understanding of the girlfriend, commenting: "You have to actually decide what you want more: your dog or your DP to move in. And tell her you're struggling, because what's currently happening is really unfair to her. Obviously she needs to know where she'll be living in June."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.

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