Man Refusing to Invite Brother's Stepson to His Wedding Splits Views
Weddings are an expensive celebration, so it isn't uncommon for couples to be selective when it comes to their guest list. In this case, a brother-in-law has decided against inviting his stepnephew.
In a popular Mumsnet post, user JaynesSmalls explained that she discovered her child, 13, is excluded from the wedding.
This decision has made her reconsider her attendance, but parenting expert Lesley McGregor told Newsweek that this will create more problems.
The national average wedding cost in the U.S. is $30,000, according to research conducted by The Knot, an online wedding planner.
On April 20, the Mumsnet mother explained that her offspring doesn't have a relationship with his biological dad, and her husband doesn't have any children.
Recently, the poster's brother-in-law sent out invites to his wedding, to be hosted at a "world famous hotel" with 60 guests.
The poster wrote: "The invitation stated just our names with no mention of my child. I got it, it's a world-class venue and a reasonably small wedding. I totally get child-free weddings especially given the time of it. I found out yesterday that my husband's sister's kids are invited. Mine clearly hasn't because they are a step-child. I feel quite heartbroken."
The poster added that the brother-in-law refused to invite the stepchild, despite being asked by her husband. The groom-to-be intends to ask along work colleagues if there are any "dropouts".
McGregor, a parenting expert for StellKey, an app that aims to "help families work together," said: "The brother's actions seem unkind. The family needs to consider that the main constraint is cost. If this wasn't a constraint, then the stepson would most probably be invited as well. The brother has a hierarchy of relatives in his mind, with his brother's stepchild at the bottom.
"This might be distasteful but understandable, since the parents were only married four years ago and the brother may not have a close relationship with the child," McGregor added. "There are a few options the family can take, depending on how important the brothers' relationship is to the family.
"They can just refuse to go, but this will create even more problems between the families. The two adults can go, although they will feel resentful," McGregor said. "An outside-the-box solution could even be that the family offers to pay for the child's entry.
"This would have to be done delicately, and it really depends on how close the brothers are," McGregor added. "In the end, the husband and wife were invited to celebrate a wedding, so they should try hard not to create a situation. In the longer term, perhaps the family could connect more to the brother if they want a closer relationship with him."
'Do Not Go'
So far, 56 percent of 539 Mumsnet users have voted 'you are not being unreasonable,' but there seems to be a mixture of opinions in the comments.
"Well I'd be staying away, and my husband would too. I'd probably try and persuade him to go to the ceremony though," wrote one user.
"Do not go. It will send the message that you accept them ostracising your child. Put your foot down and refuse," commented another.
Another posted: "I think being heartbroken is a bit dramatic. It's just a wedding of in-laws. I do think it's rude for your child to not be invited and even worse that he'd put new colleagues before them. That's quite extreme so it makes it sound like your [brother-in-law] has an issue with either your child (unlikely), you, or your relationship. I'd still want my husband to go but, if I was concerned about my child might be upset, I think I'd be tempted to book a weekend away with my child and tell them you'd already booked it before knowing about the wedding. That way they never need know they weren't invited."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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