The desire to be liked and accepted is at the core of human interactions. (Image used for representational purposes)
BENGALURU: There are different emotions that one feels for another person one is interested in and sometimes, it is hard to separate one feeling from another. The heady mix of feelings can be intense, even overpowering and overwhelming. At its height, it is a powerful wave that can be an emotional tsunami washing away everything in its path, with only the interest and intent of keeping that feeling you feel for the other person alive forever, even if it means the destruction of any and everything in its path.
The emotional entanglement one goes through at such times can take away our general rational self. We experience not only love, desire, lust or attraction but also a whole gamut of emotions that go along with it, including intense anxiety or fear about losing what we are experiencing, rage or jealousy at any threat to the feeling, a significant lack of interest or motivation in other aspects of life that have nothing to do with the current object of interest. It can get seriously obsessive. We may even come to a place where we don’t know anymore where we begin and the other ends, the boundaries between us getting so blurred that we no longer know what we think, want or feel without reference to the person with whom we have got entangled.
In an emotionally entangled situation, we may not only drop other interests for a while, but also take irrational decisions such as moving cities, selling possessions, cutting off friends and family, changing careers and other things to just keep the connection going. Think Devdas, for example. The idea of emotionally entangled people can feel hopelessly romantic in the movies, but in real life, it is just a helpless and dangerous situation.
It is not love that hurts, but the emotional entanglement. If we truly were in a mutually loving relationship, we know we would not be doing anything that is damaging to others.
So, how do you know if it truly is love or just an emotional entanglement?
We have to ask ourselves the 5 questions. In this relationship, do you feel safe? Do you feel cared for? Do you feel listened to? Do you feel your well-being is a priority? And finally, do you feel free? Then, go ahead and ask the same questions directed at you. Are you safe for this person? Do you care for them? Do you listen to them? Is their well-being a priority, and finally, do they feel free in this relationship? If the answer is yes, you are likely in a meaningful relationship. If the answer is not a resounding “Yes!” then there is work to be done.
