Mom Backed for Listing Why Her Boyfriend Is a 'Bad Dad' After Just 6 Months
A new mom has turned to the internet for support after feeling as though she isn't getting any help from her partner with their six-month-old baby.
The struggling mom posted on Mumsnet as user BabyGirlMama22, asking for other people to weigh in on whether she is "asking too much" of her partner.
The Mumsnet user explains that for the last few months, she's been left to take on all the responsibilities for six days a week. She does manage to have one night off a week as her daughter goes to stay with her grandmother.
At first, the partner was more hands-on with the baby while the poster recovered from her emergency cesarean section. However, he would still spend a lot of time "upstairs playing computer games" in between checking on his partner and new baby.
A survey carried out by Pew Research in 2023 found that when it comes to parenting difficulties, women appeared to report more hardship than their male partners. While 34 percent of fathers said parenting is tiring most of the time, 47 percent of mothers said the same.
When asked whether parenting was what they expected, 58 percent of parents said it was more difficult than they thought, compared to 66 percent of mothers agreeing with that sentiment.
The post continues: "Now DD (darling daughter) is almost 6 months old and partner sits upstairs constantly. Says he doesn't like being downstairs, but he spends no time with his child. If I bring it up, it's constant 'are you calling me a bad dad?' But I spend every moment with DD, [I] rarely have a moment to myself as she barely naps throughout the day."
The dad's reasons for not wanting to look after his baby are that he wants "to relax before work" or he's "had a long day" already. As the mom sought advice from fellow Mumsnet users, she asked if she needs to "cut him some slack" since he is working, or if his attitude is the problem.
Licensed clinical psychologist Bethany Cook told Newsweek that parenting isn't about just splitting responsibilities equally, it's about being a team and balancing each other out. It's important for both parents to be involved and not leave everything down to one person.
"If the primary parent is tired, exhausted and not feeling supported, this will negatively impact their mental health, leading to all sorts of potential issues for everyone in the system," Cook said. "If the division of parenting labor doesn't feel equal, the first step is to have a sit down with your partner. Both of you should make a list of the jobs you do in a week that directly relate to parenting.
"Pick a time to talk when both parents can be present and rested and a place with minimal distractions. If possible, make sure the children aren't around," she said.
Cook, who is the author of For What It's Worth – A Perspective on How to Thrive and Survive Parenting Ages 0-2, added that if an honest discussion doesn't work, couple's therapy is a possible alternative. A lot of the time, the issues stem from miscommunication, assumptions, or unspoken expectations.
Since the Mumsnet post was shared on March 25, it has received over 180 responses from outraged users. Many commenters criticized the dad for not being involved enough, leaving everything to the mom.
One comment reads: "It's not helping. It is being a parent. He's choosing not to be one."
Another person wrote: "He sounds really immature, YANBU (you are not being unreasonable) to expect him to parent his child. Next time he asks that question, I'd say he isn't a bad dad because he hasn't been doing anything a dad does so far."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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