Wife Told to Confront Husband After Snooping Through His Phone—'Lied to Me'
Snooping on someone else's phone rarely ends well, but for one woman it resulted in a devastating discovery she came to deeply regret afterward.
A user on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet user asked for advice because she worries she was being "overly dramatic" after looking on her husband's phone and finding a woman's number had been added that same evening. While he had said that he has never cheated on her, he has lied about other things, so she had concerns.
Pinpointing what infidelity is can be difficult, as people can define it slightly differently. Some might regard it as a sexual encounter, but others might think messaging someone could be unfaithful. The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health says research shows that women consider a wider variety of behaviors as unfaithful, compared with men. Meanwhile, men tend to be more accepting of extramarital sex.
On Mumsnet, user stripytiger09 said that her husband had been out with colleagues from work and by the time he got home he was "pretty drunk." When he was telling her about his evening, the poster got the sense that he wasn't being entirely truthful.
The poster wrote: "He's lied to me previously about stuff, but he's never cheated. I had a weird gut feeling, something was off, so I decided to have a look at his phone.
"Nothing untoward, aside from a phone number in the notes section with a woman's name, time stamped at the time he was at the local pub this evening."
Upon her discovery, the woman was trying to decide whether to say something or assume it was a misunderstanding and leave things unsaid. She wanted answers from her husband but didn't want to reveal that she'd secretly been snooping on his phone.
"What am I meant to do with this info? Confront him? If I confront him then I'm telling him [that] I looked at his phone, which I'm now severely regretting," she said.
Christina Roberson, a life coach who helps people build confidence, told Newsweek that when it comes to relationships, it's not always black and white or right or wrong.
A lot can come down to how decisions make both partners feel, and if one person in the relationship feels uneasy about something, it should be addressed.
Roberson said: "If you feel uncomfortable about something and don't address it, you aren't being your authentic self. You'll feel distant, unsure and potentially resentful. In addition, you aren't allowing your partner the chance to comfort and reassure you or confirm your suspicions.
She continued: "The deeper questions to ask oneself before confronting your partner are: Is this just one of many concerns? Have there been any additional actions of his that support this suspicion? Has infidelity been a habit in the relationship? Are personal insecurities or tendencies of overthinking playing into the equation?"
Roberson said that in a loving relationship there should be "nothing to hide," so being open and honest should lead to a productive conversation rather than accusations.
Since the Mumsnet post was shared on March 27, it has received over 130 responses, and many commenters urge the poster to confront her husband about the discovery.
One wrote: "I wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions, but I would let him know that you saw he'd added this person's number and ask why he had done this."
Another person said: "If he's that drunk, confront him in the morning and say that when he came in he told you he'd got someone's number."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
Has infidelity broken your trust in your partner? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.
