Dear Mar-a-Lago Club Members:

This is Donald Trump, your president. As you might have heard, I have been charged by the totally corrupt Manhattan district attorney Alvin Bragg, for a $130,000 so-called hush money payment I made in the closing weeks of the 2016 presidential campaign to porn star Stormy Daniels, a person who is not only an untrusty witness but also a very poor judge of the surprising girth of mushrooms.

I want to assure you as Mar-a-Lago Club members that these vicious and totally unfair charges will be defended by my legal team, who will be some of the brightest legal minds in the country that return my phone calls. And Rudy Giuliani.

Rudy will have more to say about this at an upcoming news briefing outside of Amelia’s Smarty Plants in Lake Worth Beach later this week.

HISTORIC: Donald Trump indicted in New York, first time a former president has been charged criminally

More: Now that Donald Trump is indicted, can he still run for president?

In the meantime, many of you have come up to me and said, “Sir, Sir, what can we do? Sir, — you all call me ‘Sir’ — how can we help you defend against these complete and total made-up charges, Sir?”

Finding a little extra money to help Trump

Normally, I would say there’s absolutely nothing you can do. As you know, I am like the richest person you’ve ever known. I got more money than anybody. Right? Forget about it. I mean, I'm super, super rich.

But lately, it’s been hard getting through to my longtime chief financial officer Allen Weisselberg. The phone service inside the Rikers Island jail is a national disgrace.

More: Time to welcome new batch of foreign workers to Trump's Mar-a-Lago club/crime scene | Frank Cerabino

More: Cerabino: There goes the neighborhood: Donald Trump checks in to Mar-a-Lago

More: DeSantis and Florida GOP outraged by reports grand jury has voted to indict Trump

So, I’m asking you to do a little something. It’s the least you can do for your country, which I love so much, and prove every time I hug American flags on stage.

All I want each of you to do is to find $130,000 and send it to me for legal expenses. There’s nothing wrong with us saying that we’ve recalculated your dues.

Being able to applaud me at Mar-a-Lago as I take my meals with Melania at a roped-off table on the lanai is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to you.

So what’s another $130,000 adjustment? Nothing. And people will love you for it.

It will make you a hero to the 74 million Americans who voted for me. On the other hand, if you don’t give me that $130,000 I’m asking for, well those same people will be very angry with you.

You don’t want to end up getting hanged over some pocket change. I hear my people — I love the uneducated — may start forming a protective circle around Mar-a-Lago with their perfectly legal take-back-America, Second Amendment tools. Such patriots.

If you want, think of that $130,000 payment you're making to me as "hush money." Pay me and I'll hush up about you when I tell the mob who the disloyal members of the club are.

Trust me. You don't want to be in that group. That would be a big risk to you. So, just do the right thing here. Find me that money.

Don't worry. It's perfectly legal.

Golf scores, like election results, depend on who's doing the counting

In other news, I’d like to congratulate the recent winner of the Senior Club Championship at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach.

It was me.

As I said on social media, it was “a great honor” to win the tournament against “many fine golfers.”

“You need strength and stamina to WIN, & I have strength & stamina,” I wrote.

But back to this indictment. Now we have grand jurors in New York who have been fooled by this crooked district attorney, and this has led to charges against me, your president.

Over what? C'mon. Could you imagine what Thomas Jefferson would have been like if Stormy Daniels was shaking her money-makers at Monticello?

So, next time we see each other at Mar-a-Lago, I expect to see a thick envelope in one of your hands as you walk up to greet me and congratulate me on my golf victory.

It's not the $130,000 that matters. It's the gesture.

Frank Cerabino is a columnist at The Palm Beach Post, part of the USA TODAY Florida Network. You can reach him at fcerabino@gannett.com. Help support our journalism. Subscribe today.

This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Post: Trump indictment: Former president indicted by New York grand jury