The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Had 2 martinis there is not a single IG story I won’t reply to
— Laura Peek (@laurapeek_) February 11, 2023
football and soccer are like gimme the ball i want that ball but baseball is all like fuck this ball get rid of it i hate it
— kim (@KimmyMonte) February 13, 2023
Tiktok comment: Is that vase from Target?
— Jenny Nicholson (@JennyENicholson) February 15, 2023
Reply in the form of a video: Ok you guys I know I look crazy, just ignore that, I don't know what the filter is doing. It's been a long day. So I've been getting a lot of people, um, asking if that vase I showed is from Target. Firstly,
So I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) February 12, 2023
I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.
wow I've never been so grateful for the word "reveal" pic.twitter.com/ips76qRyIm
— Laurie Kilmartin- Albany NY Feb 24/25 (@anylaurie16) February 13, 2023
Have become obsessed with this TikTok'er who gets up every day at 3:30am and part of her daily morning routine is "silent reading" (it's just reading not sure why she calls it that) and I'm just haunted by the kind of life she's living. She doesn't work early or have kids
— amil (@amil) February 14, 2023
The funniest thing about the Hunger Games movie is them wanting us to believe Peeta could camouflage himself this well because he decorated cakes. pic.twitter.com/zqR8uqdFPx
— maleficent ✰ (@photonsmight) February 14, 2023
i don’t think little girls get enough credit for being such tiny creepy weirdos sometimes bc like when i was a child yea i was cute and nice but my favorite game to play with my toys was Kidnap
— bug girl (@buggirl) February 16, 2023
being single in your 30s is fun but also alarming because i am just getting soo rapidly more eccentric
— worms cited (@christapeterso) February 12, 2023
do I get some sort of girl scout badge for being broken up with on February 13th
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) February 14, 2023
anything can be an UFO if you’re not very curious
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) February 13, 2023
About to tell them they’re adopted pic.twitter.com/1ZnSMjoCW7
— helena (@freshhel) February 13, 2023
saw Titanic for the first time last night in theaters and kind of bummed the film acknowledges the Titanic’s demise in the first 20 minutes because I fully planned on yelling, “What???????!!!!!!” out loud in disbelief when the ship hit the iceberg :(
— grace spelman (@GraceSpelman) February 13, 2023
My immune system whenever I get a cut pic.twitter.com/D9QFTBCCDx
— ☢️irradiated☢️ cancer lab tech (@bye_ology) February 13, 2023
still waiting for the moment when someone screams “can anyone here drive stick shift” in a “is there a doctor in the building” type scenario and it’s only me and I save the day
— Katherine (@classickath) February 14, 2023
My husband: I don’t want a dog. We don’t need a dog. We don’t have time for one.
— Lindsey Boylan (@LindseyBoylan) February 12, 2023
My husband 2 years later: I read an article about dog emotional well-being & we should stop saying goodbye when we leave because Truffle will be more sad. We don’t want her to worry when we’re out.
me: hi! I was wondering if I could—-
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) February 15, 2023
hospital: DID YOU POOP?!?!?! HOW MUCH DID YOU POOP?! I WANNA SEE IT WHERE DID IT GO?! I NEED DA POO POOS HAVE YOU POOOOOOPED YET
The other day I said to my gf someone on a tv show was like “a chihuahua come to life” and she reminded me that chihuahuas are alive
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) February 14, 2023
When I’m just throwing some clothes on to sit around the house my dog doesn’t pay me any mind. But when I’m getting dressed to go out, she freaks about wanting to go with me. What does this mean? My dog knows a cute outfit when she sees one.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) February 11, 2023
no offense but did it ever occur to the couple in a quiet place to stop fucking or try the pull out method
— latke (@latkedelrey) February 11, 2023
if you've ever been worried about pitching something crazy at your job, imagine being the person who suggested taking temperatures rectally
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 16, 2023
Fondly remembering last valentine's day when we were at a restaurant and my husband looked at me sweetly and said "I feel like we're in a really great place..." and I said "awww that's so --" and he finished "because John Hamm is here . This restaurant must be highly rated."
— Taylor Cox (@ImTaylorCox) February 14, 2023
If I was a tattoo artist id wet the tip of my needle with my tongue like an old timey man writing with a quill on parchment
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) February 16, 2023
