In the last decade of the 18th century, a 12-year-old child taught himself algebra and Euclidean geometry over a single summer and independently discovered the Pythagorean Theorem — he was Albert Einstein. The mathematical genius of the centuries to come was at the age when middle childhood ends and preteen begins. This can be an awkward stage as the child is advancing to the teen stage. Apart from physical changes, as they enter puberty, young teens undergo many physical changes, which include dealing with pubic hair growth, body odour, pimples, etc. For girls, the changes can be seen in the development of breasts and the start of menstruation.
Growing up challenges
Early adolescence often brings with it new concerns about body image and appearance. Children start thinking about their looks and spend hours worrying and complaining – too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, and dozens of other issues. The preteen age comes with cognitive changes as well. The child is neither in the ‘kid’s category’ nor a teenager. Hence, at times, it becomes difficult for them to mingle with children below and above their age.
Twelve-year-old Veer Joshi from Mumbai is struggling with his blackheads and what jeans he needs to wear. “I don’t like when my mother keeps on asking me about my homework and revision. I can handle it. I am close to my mother because my father would punish me if I don’t do homework on time, but my mother is lenient. I don’t want to cut my hair because boys in my school will not be my friends, though they keep on knocking on my head just like that,” says Veer. His mother, Aruna, adds that he gets bullied at school. “His language has changed and he is suddenly conscious about his looks, hair, and clothes,” says Aruna.
Child psychologist, Rajshree Deshpande, says young children are not able to think far ahead, but young teens can, which results in developing emotional issues. “We have to understand that this is a difficult age where you don’t belong to any group. They have friends who are younger or older than them. The ones who are of their age may not interest them, since at this age physical changes occur and young teens want to be friends with older children than of their age,” Rajshree shares. Young teens go through many worries such as their school performance, their appearance, being bullied at school and not having friends, she adds.
“Many young people are self-conscious. Because they are experiencing dramatic physical and emotional changes, they are sensitive. Even small errors and personal qualities become big defects for them, which others may not even notice. The young teen may believe that s/he is the only person who is feeling that way and no one else knows about it. This can lead to loneliness and isolation,” Rajshree says.
Balancing act of parents
Lakshmi Agarwal, a mother of a 12-year-old girl, who is smarter than the other students, leads her to mostly holed up inside. “She avoids going out often. She is always at home and writing poems and stories. She doesn’t feel comfortable with her classmates and older students wouldn’t take her into their group. She often comes home with this complaint. But she has found her calling in writing,” says Lakshmi. Her daughter published a book at the age of 12.
But not every child’s energies and feelings are channelised in the positive direction. “It is about parents giving them the right direction and confidence about what they are feeling. Parents need to tell them that it is normal to feel that way,” says Rashmi M, a Bengaluru-based child psychologist. “Sometimes, young teens’ emotions are different and overstated. Their mood transitions can fluctuate many times a day from being happy to sad and from feeling too dumb to do anything to being genius after solving a small math problem. They also behave differently, they want to be taken care of as a kid and at times, they want to be treated like an adult. It may help them if parents and teachers make young teens understand the changes they are going through positively,” says the psychologist.
Child counsellors believed that just like adults, who with more experience and maturity struggle with their different roles, adolescents struggle in developing a sense of who they are. They want to be able to think like adults but lack of experience leads to their behavioural changes. “It takes time for young teens and their parents to adjust to these changes but these changes are exciting and a learning for both parties,” says Rajshree.
Steps that can help your child during this time
Spend time with your child and talk about their friends and accomplishments
Be involved in their school events
Encourage them to pick up a new hobby and participate in school activities
Help your child to learn what is right and wrong. Talking will help the child in doing something wrong under peer pressure
Tell your child what you expect
Make your child feel proud of accomplishments
Talk with your child about puberty and normal physical changes
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