- Relationship expert Matthew Hussey gives tips on navigating a situation where a love interest goes from hot to cold.
- If someone goes cold and you discover that they are always busy with their friends and hobbies, you may not be a priority for them.
- Matthew says this tells you that they are busy with their priorities, and you are not one of them.
When someone you are talking to sends mixed signals, it can be confusing to determine if they are genuinely interested.
Relationship expert Matthew Hussey says this is especially true in a situation where it feels amazing at times and "like you don't exist" at other times."You [may] feel they shower you with attention, they are there, they are excited sometimes. But the confusing part comes when they give an opposite reaction to the 'connection' when you're apart."
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"You don't get their attention. They barely communicate with you. It gets very, very cold. It creates a scenario where you feel like you're living in two completely different worlds. The one where this person is extremely into you and then this complete other reality where it doesn't seem like this person is thinking about you at all," says Matthew.
If you find yourself in this situation, Matthew says there are two classic mistakes to avoid.
Mistake 1
Hussey says there is a big difference between attention and intention.
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"When they disappear, that is a major red flag. This behaviour says, 'I am interested in a romantic experience with you, but I am not interested in having romantic progress with you'.
"When someone goes cold, what do they say are the excuses? They may always be busy with friends and hobbies. What it tells you is they are busy with their priorities. They are busy with things they want to be busy with," Matthew explains.
Mistake 2
The second mistake is mirroring the person's behaviour.
"Don't invest in someone based on how much you like them; invest in someone based on how much they invest in you. The problem is when you also decide to go cold as they have, they get exactly what they want in the scenario. The danger is you end up playing into their hands in that way, or something equally bad happens.
"You end up attracting the player or avoidant who gets turned on, gets attracted to you suddenly going cold and withdrawing."
Some people may seem like they have something to offer you because of their attention, but they actually have nothing to offer you.