How I Shop For Bras As A Non-Binary Person

You don’t have to be non-binary to loathe bra shopping, but it certainly helps. Body and gender dysmorphia tend to be intertwined, making it hard to know what undergarments feel bad for gender reasons and what feels bad due to impossible societal beauty standards. These standards are only exacerbated for those who are trans or non-binary (and can be even more damaging to trans disabled individuals and trans people of color). Because of this, I tend to avoid shopping for bras the way people avoid going to the dentist. I never want to browse the lingerie section. I never want to stand on the little platform in the dressing room with mirrors all around me. And I especially never want to have to ask the sales associate for a different size.

I’ve found a good workaround for this is getting my bras at big-box stores that sell everything. When I buy undergarments alongside shampoo and seasonal Mrs. Meyers products, it doesn’t feel like I’m “bra shopping,” it just feels like I’m picking up boring, unremarkable things that I use in my day-to-day.

Some days I wear a chest binder (a super compression chest garment intentionally meant to make your chest look flatter), but because I have such a large chest, binders often make it a little hard to breathe and give me back and shoulder pain. And yes, obviously, I think about top surgery a lot, but I came out as non-binary in 2012, when top surgery wasn’t really a thing for non-binary people yet, so it’s been overwhelming to redefine my understanding of my body knowing a boob chop is ostensibly an option now.

For good and bad, I’ve learned to live with the chest I have in this moment. A large, flappy chest, that gives me really painful underboob heat rashes and sweaty chafing. Though I still do go braless most of the time, in really hot weather or just days where I don’t want my nipples out, I’ve learned the ideal thing for me is what I’ve deemed the anti-bra. It’s a super basic, boxy, stretchy thing, with no clasps, wires, decorations, or doodads. It’s boring and comfortable and you forget you’re wearing it — which is exactly the point.

The anti-bra is not as supportive as a sports bra and I don’t wear it to work out, but I do wear them under tank tops or T-shirts, or when I just want a little coverage without having a whole gender nightmare moment.

As someone who’s continually trying to distance myself from femininity, I tend to react to boob-related content like a child rejecting broccoli at dinner. I don’t want it. I don’t like it. And I don’t want it near me.

Yet, it is for this reason — the discomfort and loneliness that arises regarding boob talk — that it feels important to share my experiences regarding my chest. Surely, I am not the only person out there — regardless of gender — who detests shopping for bras or hearing about breasts. And if you’re reading this, neither are you.

By sharing my experiences with bra shopping, and my favorite anti-bras, I hope to help widen our understanding of boob content and bra shopping in general. These garments aren’t always flirty, sexy pieces that make us feel good. Sometimes they’re a purely functional item, like a drain catcher or a pencil sharpener, that we don’t have to feel anything about.

Whether you’re also a non-binary/transmasculine person or if you just hate buying undergarments, here are my recs for easy, comfortable, non-girly bras, with a little story about each.

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