The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
oh no ! my one basket! all my eggs were in there!
— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) August 8, 2022
when you get sent tiktoks to watch it’s like friend homework
— Kristin Merrilees (@kristnmerrilees) August 10, 2022
Just told my sleeping husband I lost two lbs, to which he replied, with his eyes still closed, “I’ll help you find them. We’ll look later”
— Julie (The Texan Minnesotan) (@juliepafoofnic) August 9, 2022
I LEFT MY TEDDY IN MY ROOM AND THE HOUSEKEEPER DID THIS??;!;!;!!;!; pic.twitter.com/IYRcLJxrfS
— myra 🍼puurinless (@chocolatadisco) August 7, 2022
If I saw Bigfoot I would simply take a high resolution and focused photo of him
— little special™ (@dollbunyan) August 6, 2022
im finally gonna meet my boyfriend tonight for our first real in person date!!!! ahhhhh!! because of the pandemic we havent been able to hang IRL, he mostly gives me singing lessons from behind the mirror in the opera house where i live and do ballet. canNOT wait
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) August 10, 2022
I babysat a two year old once who called her dad "daddy" and her mom "pancake"
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 8, 2022
Found this at an antique market labeled “bathtime Elmo” but obviously this Elmo is Jewish and leading us all in prayer. pic.twitter.com/fFr2oMy9ID
— Molly Tolsky (@mollytolsky) August 9, 2022
Just hiked to a waterfall in the middle of Maine and halfway through as I was starting to feel super proud about doing this somewhat difficult hike by myself a 70 year old woman passed me going the other way wearing flip flops and holding a bud light.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) August 7, 2022
Student loans are ridiculous—I don’t see why *I* should have to pay for a bank’s poor decision to lend an 18 year old $70k to study poems
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) August 10, 2022
One thing my mom’s gonna do is begin a sentence with, “Now that you’re old enough,” then proceed to tell me the deepest, darkest, gnarliest, most devastating family secret I’ve ever heard that she already told me when I was, like, 6.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) August 9, 2022
when people write memoirs it’s like how did you remember all of that
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) August 10, 2022
mamma mia made significantly more at the global box office than iron man, which came out the same year. we should have an abba cinematic universe by now but we have one sequel. i ask you where is the justice.
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) August 10, 2022
jane lynch is wario jamie lee curtis
— ❊ 🪩 Heathcliff, it’s me, I’m Danii 🪩 ❊ (@Gallegos____) August 8, 2022
why do all the characters in the bible have such fuckboi names
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 10, 2022
i just had such an embarrassing memory of me being in middle school with a side braid and getting a starbucks frappuchino and telling the barista my name was katniss. then this poor 20 something had to call out the name “katniss” when that is clearly not my name
— em 🍓 (@uhhmmily) August 7, 2022
(chef rear ending you with his car) BEHIND
— trash jones (@jzux) August 7, 2022
A photo of me going into work with a tummy ache pic.twitter.com/mgpPNXkbOp
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 7, 2022
My husband just asked me in the kindest voice if I wanted some water, and I said, "You know, I'd love some water?" And I turned around and he was carrying the dog's water bowl to her....(Reader, he was not asking me if I wanted water.)
— Ada Limón (@adalimon) August 9, 2022
my newest phobia is being approached in any major nyc public park by a boy with a microphone and a question
— maridelis (@maridelism) August 8, 2022
If ur dad has a Wikipedia page you’re paying for the uber
— meg (@mag_pie28) August 7, 2022
The Donald trying to save his hairpieces in the FBI raid pic.twitter.com/hQ2wFGJXa3
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) August 8, 2022
I'm easily the second hottest chick buying yeast infection meds in this Walmart right now
— Asstown Mayor (@MayorOfAsstown) August 8, 2022
My signature move is planning a bunch of dishes to make throughout the week, buying the food for the recipes, getting depressed and losing motivation throughout the week and ordering takeout instead.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 8, 2022
I want to know everything about the parrot who was the reason for this sign. pic.twitter.com/euo5x2bw8X
— Nicole Sykes (@NicoleSykes_) August 7, 2022
if you stop paying attention to new music for literally five seconds every best new songs list looks like
— layla (@laylology) August 10, 2022
1. boomchaboomboom -“h0ney”
2. cacio e pepe - “song for nonna”
3. DJ Asscrack - “charmin boiz”
4. “los sifrinos” - “na huevo na chamo”
5. m’ladies - “check the group chat”
i think each week therapists should pick their most entertaining client and refund the cost of their session
— Cilantro.bb.95@aim.com (@bb_apes) August 8, 2022
