The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
i was like “im worried everyone’s mad at me” and my bf was like “dana it’s 4 AM. you woke me up to say this. I’M mad at you.”
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) April 6, 2022
Every Hallmark romance movie is like "yeahhhh you wanna live in a small town"
— Dr. J (@learnteachwin) April 3, 2022
And every Hallmark mystery series is like "YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN"
Of all the muppets I never thought the ones I relate to the most would be the cackling old men in the balcony.
— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) April 5, 2022
I wanna be spoiled but i have a bad habit of saying “no i got it” 🥴😂
— sia✰ (@feelxhurtt) April 4, 2022
The Lunch That I Brought is No Longer the Lunch That I Want: A Memoir
— Rachel Holliday Smith (@rachelholliday) April 6, 2022
it’s always “you up?” and never “you are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires”
— marianna (@itsmariannnna) April 4, 2022
(about to invent gargoyles) babe the cathedral looks great. how can we get a little fucking freak on the roof.
— 𝖘𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖊𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖊 (@sophiepenrose) April 5, 2022
“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.
— Olivia (@olliegrace) April 5, 2022
do you ever email yourself then get an email notification and think “oooh who emailed me” and it’s you
— 𝚜𝚞𝚓𝚊𝚝𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚢 (@sujataday) April 7, 2022
I have a question for certain men who work out at gyms. Is dropping the weights really loudly part of a successful gym experience
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 6, 2022
obsessed w this lady at the Vietnamese restaurant i just ordered from where i asked for extra sauce and she said one is enough
— reem (@reemvil) April 4, 2022
If ET showed up at my house I would spray him with Raid
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) April 5, 2022
me: dating is tough, lot of weirdos out there
— trash jones (@jzux) April 4, 2022
me on a date: so here’s everything i know about the jonestown massacre
I love and respect how hailey bieber has zero vibes. Like she has no aura at all I want to study her
— raina (@quakerraina) April 4, 2022
how do I explain to my gen x parents that the news is something you sit down and watch for 30 minutes and not insidious background noise for the entire day
— Haley OC (@MILFWEEED) April 4, 2022
I've felt ill at ease ever since I learned that red wine is supposed to be served at room temperature because room temperature in CASTLES was 50 degrees
— your friend, Dracula (@Remember_Sarah) April 4, 2022
Today, when introducing WWI, a student raised her hand and brought up the death of a certain archduke. Nobody knew his name, so as a hint, I offered that he shares his name with a band.
— Christina E. Cox (@ChristinaECox) April 5, 2022
Gentle reader, my students asked if there had perhaps been an Archduke Metallica.
if i pay $24 for a caesar salad brutus better stab me
— riri🇺🇦 (@raunchonpizza) April 5, 2022
ok so it turns out reverse racism DOES exist and it's me going to an REI and assuming every white customer there is an employee
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 3, 2022
parents be like "i don't have a favorite child" then use one of your siblings birth dates as a password
— .tri’ (@dearfuls) April 5, 2022
