The woman was allegedly abducted and molested in a moving vehicle by a group of men in 2017. Dileep was charged in the case and was later bailed out. “I felt it was me versus the world,” the Malayalam actor who survived the 2017 kidnapping and sexual assault, told senior journalist Barkha Dutt in a virtual discussion Sunday.
Opening up about her struggles over the last five years, the survivor said: “Trying to prove you have not done anything wrong and facing questions and cross examination for 15 days in the court, I felt lonely and devastated. Going through that again and again, I realized it was my fight. I felt it was me versus the world.”
The survivor was held hostage in her own car by a group of men and subjected to sexual assault in February 2017. Soon after popular actor Dileep emerged as one of the primary accused in the case. Dileep was arrested and is facing trial in the case. He has denied all charges.
The online trolling and insensitive media debates accusing her of lying added to her trauma. “The five year journey was very difficult to me. They don’t even know me, some random people (on TV) saying I shouldn’t have travelled so late — the incident happened around 7 pm! They were blaming me. And they were accusing me of being part of some conspiracy (to defame a popular actor). I was devastated. While I was trying to pick up pieces and stand up for myself, this was pulling me down. I wanted to scream at them that my parents didn’t raise me like that. They were indulging in victim shaming. Thankfully I was not on social media at the time. After I joined Instagram, I received messages like ‘why don’t you kill yourself’. So I wanted to put it out there and it was very cathartic,” she recalled, explaining why earlier this year she revealed her identity to the public through an Instagram post.
In her public note, she had recalled her journey of transformation from a “victim to a survivor”. She also revealed that at times she felt like moving to a different country and making a fresh start by putting all this behind her. But, the support she received from her loved ones kept her fighting for justice.
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“Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t have spoken up. I wanted to quit many times. I have told my family and friends, that I can’t do it anymore. And I wanted to have a normal life. But I think it is my will to keep fighting and prove that I hadn’t done anything wrong. My family, friends, WCC, so many people are standing behind me and giving me enormous courage. I am fighting to get my dignity back,” she noted.
She also mentioned how men who are accused of serious sexual crimes face little to no consequences in their social and professional life. “It is sad and makes me very, very angry like everyone who wants justice to be done. But in the court, what matters is proof not emotions. Not every day I feel empowered and ready to fight. So many times, I just wanted to go somewhere else. Maybe a different country and start a new life. It is not all easy. When I see such stories and news, it is very disheartening. We should normalize the idea of a person, who has gone through any kind of trauma, coming out in public and voicing it out. As a society, we should encourage it.”
The actor further said that it was her decision not to act in Malayalam cinema after the attack on her.
“I was denied work before the incident. After the incident, many offered me work and insisted I come back (to work). Aashiq Abu, Prithviraj, Jayasurya and others offered me work but I turned them down because I couldn’t come back to this industry and work as if nothing happened. I was not in the right state of mind. I worked in other language films. Now, I have also started listening to Malayalam scripts, ” she remarked.
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