The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Remembering the time I was hooking up with a guy that "wasn't looking for anything" but I stayed at his place once and his whiteboard had "get a gf" on his to do list
— court (@uspellCoUrTNey) January 31, 2022
Today my doctor said “you look extra pale, have you been feeling okay?” and I responded “this is just how I look in January” and she wrote that down.
— Kim Quindlen (@kimquindlen) January 26, 2022
omg should i 😍 pic.twitter.com/jDZSOhrQuQ
— Maddie Wiener (@maddietwiener) February 1, 2022
my dad just texted "can you give me a call" so either he wants to say hi or my whole family is dead. could be both
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) February 2, 2022
I used to accidentally repeat stories to my friends a lot but now I just say “I think I’ve already told you this” and say it again anyway
— Sahana Srinivasan (@sahana_srini) February 2, 2022
the idea of having tattoos making it harder to get a job is so bizarre bc when i see someone with a lot of tattoos i don't think "degenerate", i think "nice, a guy who schedules lots of appointments and shows up to them on time"
— LUCYANA (@LUCYANARANDALL) January 29, 2022
Very proud of myself for sticking to my New Years resolution of getting out of bed early. It allowed me to walk to my couch and sleep worse in a second location.
— Subhah (@Subhah) January 31, 2022
slapping “all my best” at the bottom of an email pic.twitter.com/1PRQn3FgA0
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) January 31, 2022
the lowest i have ever been is when i listened to a whole podcast (1 hr) to see if a guy talked about me and he had not
— margot (@thyholygemini) January 31, 2022
well well well if it isn’t the one ingredient I already had for a recipe so I went out and bought 8 more things for it and then I waited a few days and now that one ingredient went bad
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) January 30, 2022
My coworker saw me eating pizza and said “I had pizza today too” and I replied “Pizza Monday!” What. What was that.
— Jordan Ashleigh (@JordanAshleighF) January 31, 2022
today I discovered my husband still has me in his phone as “Elyssa Brooklyn” which is SO FUNNY because he’s still in my phone as “don’t pick up”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 30, 2022
when there’s six minutes left in a flight it’s like…stop being dramatic and land
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) February 2, 2022
one moment you’re wearing a jumpsuit. The next moment you are tits out in a public bathroom
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) January 30, 2022
If I were the NY Times I’d make Wordle free to play but charge 99 cents to post your score on Twitter.
— Hemal Jhaveri (@hemjhaveri) January 31, 2022
You can’t be sad if you just keep cleaning different parts of your apartment
— G. L. DiVittorio (@gldivittorio) January 29, 2022
Is he hitting on me or is he the first nice guy I’ve spoken to this year
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) January 31, 2022
sorry to hear Jerry Seinfeld's latest spin-off is cancelled https://t.co/ysIBk0EAef
— Rhiannon Shaw (@rhiannoneshaw) February 1, 2022
🧠: i’m anxious
— Dani Donovan 👩🏻🎨 ADHD Comics (@danidonovan) February 1, 2022
me: why
🧠: it’s a secret ;)
I'm just happy that 2/2/22 is also a Tuesday.
— She Might Be Ginger (@NatashaMuse) February 2, 2022
