My six-year old grandniece was asked in her online class about her best friend. She promptly gave the name, but could not answer where the friend lived, her father’s name and other questions. The child was quick in responding to the last question, “Why do you like her?”
“Because she is kind.”
“What else?”
“Isn’t kindness enough,” she retorted.
The dialogue reminded me of my father who developed dementia later in life. Once, he suddenly asked me, “Ammai, who are you? Where are you from? You are talking to me so kindly.”
Kindness is well appreciated in the extremes of age and is an effective tool to blunt the thorns in life. If kindness is so good, why do kind people feel let down at times? Perhaps, it is because kindness is misconstrued by some as weakness or even taken for granted. If a kind act is acknowledged and reciprocated, the tender filament of relationships remains strong.
The enlightened ones say, “Do good without any expectation,” but lesser mortals do feel good if their actions are noticed and appreciated.
When some of my elderly patients rue about being alone and uncared for, I urge them to communicate explicitly with their children or relatives and friends. A desire to manage by themselves for as long as they could and not wanting to trouble children may lead to a lack of involvement, even if assistance is required.
In the 1970s, when I moved to another city, I stayed in touch with my mother through long descriptive letters. Later, I switched to telephone calls, but my mother was not pleased. She would say, “I could read your letters repeatedly and feel your presence. Now, the moment I put the receiver down, you are gone.”
In digital world
Yet I could not bring myself to the old habit of writing letters. For the past 10 years, I am connected more than ever before with my tech-savvy relatives and long lost friends.
But my 90-year-old mother has remained out of the frenzied digital world. She never complained and considered herself fortunate to be living with a caring son and his family. No technology can replace the tenderness with which she holds hands while squinting her eyes to identify the person and indulge in kind conversation. In this fast-paced materialistic world, will kindness and proximity survive? I hope they do.
Recently as I was about to climb some steps, my grandson shouted, “Paati, wait. I will hold your hand.” He told his sister, “Paati is getting old. She needs to be helped.” Much as I could walk without assistance and hate being called “old”, I didn’t want to snuff out the little angel’s innate desire to help.
Taking his little fingers in my hand, I resolved to be kind to “the kind”.
vijayacardio@gmail.com