Testing. 1-2-3. Hello parents and welcome to the Christmas skit by the future CEOs and start-up founders of Kindergarten. Performed live after months of online class. Take your socially-distanced seats, make sure your masks and cameras are on. When you post, remember to tag us.
Enter Mary and Joseph looking for a room. Download the Hotella app, our main sponsors, and you will never be in this roomless state. Mary’s headgear is from tablecloths.co.in. 10% discount on tough, non-tear tablecloths. Joseph, look out, you’re tripping on Mary’s headgear tablecloth and tearing it. Discount increased to 50%. Teacher, please stop Mary and Joseph from battling with the tablecloth. This is not a video game!
Joseph, stop sneezing on Baby Jesus! Why didn’t Joseph’s parents enter his hay allergy into the registration form? Instant auction for Joseph’s role now begins.
Our 5-year-old vocalist, who has been professional voice-training since she was 1-week-old, will now sing ‘Silent Night.’ Joseph, stop sneezing on the vocalist! Events in long-time-ago Bethlehem, please pause for urgent announcement: Will the sheep’s mother, Dr Divya, please come backstage? He has been eating his wool.
The camel’s father has won the auction with a gift of 3 computers for our lab. Will the camel please take off his hump and become Joseph? We apologise. Apparently, Mary refuses adult matchmaking and wants the donkey, who is her BFF, to be her new partner. We support same-gender relationships. Will the grandfather in the first row who shouted, ‘Marriages don’t last nowadays!’ please leave the audience? Security!
The Three Kings enter from Extreme Right, signifying the political stance of royalty, calling, ‘Hark, a star!’ To avoid racial and gender stereotyping, the star is a lightbulb, and the three kings are queens – in the traditional sense of the word. Three Queens, please stop chasing Mary around stage for return gifts. Shepherd, stop waving to your family! Cow, please parade now, as your father has paid for a Prime Solo picture. This part of the programme is sponsored by A-Star English Tuitions.
The speaking roles now begin. The lamb who gave a long, melodious ‘Baaaaaa!’ is undergoing Beauty’s Bollywood Coaching. Details on Instagram. She preserves her vocal cords by never eating sweets, ice cream or anything tasty.
Will the fir trees at the back stop fighting immediately! The vocalist is trying to sing ‘Silent Night’. Will the mother who typed into the WhatsApp group: ‘Whose fir tree attacked mine?’ please meet the Principal.
Here comes Santa Claus, distributing gluten-free, peanut-free, pink-colour-free, taste-free toffees and discount coupons of our sponsor brands. Santa Claus, stop eating the toffees yourself.
Teacher, please go on stage to shush the crying vocalist, crying Santa and fighting fir trees. May there be peace on earth! Curtain! For more politically-correct festival drama, please like and follow us on YouTube.
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