What is this thing called love

BENGALURU: Plato talked about relationships centuries ago as souls being whole in the mythical beginning and somehow torn apart leaving us as halves searching for the other half so we can be whole again. That idea for whatever reason really took root in our collective consciousness bringing us phrases like “the better half” (or “the bitter half”) and we still talk about our search for love as if it is a search for a missing half. Now, one wonders if this cosmic cleaving was really into halves — what if it was into random fractions, or fractal patterns? Could there be a one-sixteenth part missing yet and that’s why a relationship still feels less than complete?

On the other hand, you have proponents of the wounded soul idea that we are all, in one way or another, less than whole and while some of us might have more obvious wounds, others who might think they are quite alright actually have invisible wounds or blind spots. We each then seek solace and support, and in turn, offer the same. If we find someone who needs what we can give and is able to offer what we ourselves need, we attach to each other, can it love and that’s that.

Others might have you thinking that all these ideas of love are a myth, and that it is only a biological compulsion born out of our need to bond with one another and create socially stable units that can help us survive in a world full of threats both from other species and our own. Love is just hormones and pheromones, and that’s why we have those heady moments of severe attraction that fade away into a humdrum existence once we have what we need. It is an addiction, they might say and leave the question of whether it is harmful or not unanswered.

Another idea on love is about self-love and how only healthy and wholesome people can love others. Memes from times before memes were even an internet thing would proclaim, “Love yourself!” They exhort us to heal ourselves before we start off something with someone else for fear of getting hurt, or worse, that we would hurt the other through our unloving ways. A new meme in this direction says, “Don’t tell me you are tall, dark and beautiful! Tell me you have been in therapy for a few years, and I might say yes to dating you.”

Of course, there are more schools of thought on what is this thing called love. Some call it Maya, the ultimate illusion. Others see it as the epitome of good things, and yet others see the hand of the devil in it. 

We might just proclaim “Love is Love,” stop trying to structure it, and free it from the musts and shoulds that people try to box it in, because like Queen sang, “This thing called love, I just can’t handle it. This thing called love, I must get ‘round to it. I ain’t ready — Crazy little thing called love.”