Coping with invisible ailments, visible stigma

HYDERABAD:  The other day, a young man walked into my clinic with his mother. “Doctor, she says she isn’t well, but she looks fine to me.” To which I asked, “If she isn’t well, wouldn’t she know better than you?” “She says she is depressed, but is just lazy and has no reason to be depressed. She just lies in bed all day and does nothing.”

Those with invisible disabilities frequently encounter such comments, judgements and rude questions. Many may see the person as lazy, uninitiated or even an escapist, but the harsh reality is that these people are actually trying to cope with invisible conditions that leave them tired, drained and spent.

Mostly because, constantly having to prove that they are indeed ill and need help can be exhausting. Also, the constant judegment and disdain one faces can be depressing and make one feel, “I am an imposter?” Depression, anxiety, panic disorder, other mental health issues and many physical ailments like some autoimmune disorders are invisible. Probably, the most visible symptom for all these could be chronic fatigue, brain fog, cognitive lapses etc. 

Most of these conditions interfere with the quality of one’s life, causing isolation, anger and helplessness. The fear of letting loved ones down, the constant guilt and fear of dependence, isolation, inability to remember things, and feeling clumsy and cluded puts one in the position of constantly apologising, feeling like a burden and of course, the sadness of non-acceptance and sarcasm from others. There is also the added guilt of being a burden to caregivers, family and friends. Brain fog may not be an actual mental health condition, but those who experience it would know how debilitating it can be when one’s cognitive process is not allowing them to function optimally.

How does one cope?

Let go of guilt; all this is really not your fault

Don’t allow others’ negativity to pull you down

Learn to slow down and rest — you can achieve more if you rest adequately

Be kind to yourself

Try to experiment with activities that make you happy

Remember your limitations and raise the bar inch by inch

Don’t apologise or feel the pathological need to explain yourself to all and sundry. Some people will never understand. Accept that

Seek professional help to cope with your issues

Realise that you can only be there for yourself and that you cannot control others’ reactions

Remember, none of this is your fault and letting go of toxicity can help you

Read self-help books

Practise self-care

Find support groups and also be supportive by understanding family and friends

Brain activating activities such as crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, memory games etc. can help with brain fog

Mind Matters 
Dr Purnima Nagaraja
(The author is a mental health professional and psychotherapist at Dhrithi Wellness Clinic)