Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Just walked in on my three year old pumping all of our hand soap into the bathroom sink, chanting “wasting soap… wasting soap…” to himself
— fgx (@nullstateofmind) November 9, 2021
I have been blocked on Instagram by my thirteen year old. A person I literally made.
— Rebecca Saltzman (@beccasaltz) November 8, 2021
My toddler, who was not previously accustomed to being awake after dark, just looked outside and screamed “where is the backyard?!”
— Mel (@Tweetsnwhatnot) November 10, 2021
For the first time ever my 4 year old let ME choose his bedtime story and after 72 tries I finally picked the right one
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) November 11, 2021
I’m a Brooklyn parent. My phone died on the way home so to keep my kid preoccupied on the subway platform I said, “Let’s just look for rats.”
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 8, 2021
nothing prepares you for when your sweet sensitive gentle eight year old son calls you “bruh” for the first time
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 9, 2021
Notes to my My normal
— Midge (@mxmclain) November 9, 2021
kids teacher handwriting pic.twitter.com/JYKr0OjjiS
“He’s upset because a girl in his class is telling people they are friends when they’re not.”, me explaining Billie Jean to my daughter
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) November 10, 2021
Y’all make fun of dads for keeping instruction booklets but guess who is about to flawlessly set the clock back one hour on an 18 year old microwave?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 7, 2021
My kid stayed home and did virtual school for 2020-21 and went into this year VERY aware of public health directives on masking. This is what happened when the school photo company advised she could remove her mask for her picture. 😂 pic.twitter.com/nzkzbraFzG
— Shayla Bradley (@shaylariane) November 9, 2021
Thinking about the time my kid woke me up at 4 a.m. by jumping on the bed in a cape and yelling, "Come on Mom, let's go save daylight!"
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) November 7, 2021
“I’m doing it anyway”
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) November 11, 2021
⁃ A toddler’s memoir
Me: Just because you don't have school doesn't mean you can go without pants.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) November 11, 2021
5yo: I'm just gonna wear these invisible pants.
me: [sees 6 wake up headed to the bathroom] good morning bud
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 11, 2021
6: stop it!
me: i just said good morning...
6: i don't want it!! [cries on the toilet]
I'm sorry but when I said I was excited to send my kids to school again, I meant so that I could have quiet, not so that I could spend my afternoon helping my 7-year-old write a report on Black widow spiders how rude
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 11, 2021
Me at the parent-teacher conference when they tell me my baby hacked the school’s mainframe pic.twitter.com/V9jFJ5t91u
— big relly (@awkward_duck) November 10, 2021
My 5yo might be watching too many dinosaur shows…He keeps calling my vegetarian in-laws herbivores
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 11, 2021
27 years ago I snot-bubble cried during Mufasa’s death scene and I am now while watching it with my 8 year old AND THAT CYBORG DIDN’T SHED ONE DAMN TEAR!!!
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) November 11, 2021
*8YO arguing*
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 8, 2021
Me: I‘ll call Santa, right now and tell him…
8YO: Well I’ll call the PTA to volunteer you …
Me: You win
Nothing exposes how truly terrible you are at drawing like becoming a parent
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 10, 2021
My 5 y/o was working on a science question that asked if animals are like plants & make their own food. He said yes, which was wrong, but his explanation was humans are animals & we make cake. Your move, science.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 8, 2021
My teen isn’t feeling well and WebMD says imminent death but Google classroom says imminent math test.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 12, 2021
Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. You will thank me for this later you’re welcome
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) November 11, 2021
