Woman Says She 'Raised' Young Sisters After Parents Death in Viral Post, Friend Disagrees
A woman's post on Reddit went viral after she explained a recent situation with a friend's sister who said she did not "raise" her younger twin sisters after their parents died. The woman, u/throwboone58 explained the situation on the popular "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) forum.
The post, which has amassed more than 12,000 votes, explained that when the woman, 28, was 18, her parents died in a car accident. She said she was left with the sole responsibility of her 11-year-old twin sisters.
The woman explained that their parents left them a "very generous life insurance payout and a wealthy trust" that would help them with housing and living expenses for many years. She said she met with her parents' financial advisor, started college, and got a part-time job.
"I knew I wasn't in a capacity to handle my sisters full time and we absolutely had nobody else to go to," the post explained. "So I explained the situation to them [with a counselor present] and enrolled them in a private boarding school. I kept tabs on them all throughout their education: I spent as many weekends and my holidays with them."
The woman claimed she attended as many of her sisters' recitals and games as possible and that she was overall "very involved in their life." She also said she scheduled both of them for therapy sessions and received updates from their guidance counselor.
The post then went on to explain that a recent situation between her and her friend's family got awkward when her friend's sister said she didn't really "raise" them.
"Somewhere in the conversation I said 'I raised my sisters' and my friend's sister disagreed," the post said. "She said the boarding school raised them and I shouldn't take credit for that."
The woman said she felt that she "fulfilled the role of a parent" and she raised them from the age of 11 onward.
"She said I was an a**hole for pretending to be a parent, and I give 'real parents' a bad name," the post read. "Weekend went downhill after that and I didn't feel comfortable after. Friend and his parents are on my side but the sister's now posting passive aggressive stuff on social media. AITA?"
More than 770 users commented on the post and many came to the woman's defense and said that, albeit unconventional, she indeed helped them succeed in life.
"Yes, you raised them," the top commenter wrote. "You ensured they had their needs met, you provided a responsible adult role model, and you were actively involved for milestones...NTA and don't let anyone take away from what you accomplished."
But some would argue that any time an older sibling takes sole responsibility for their younger siblings it's going to be unconventional. Vicki Panaccione, child clinical psychologist and founder of the Better Parenting Institute, told NPR that older siblings who are put into that guardianship role are often thrown into a life where they must mature quickly.
"Taking on motherhood is difficult enough and a big change in one's life," she told NPR. For this woman, she found herself with the responsibility of two 11-year-old girls' lives and she was just a teenager herself.
Panaccione said that jumping into the parental role as an older sibling is almost instinctual. For some, though, financial burdens keep the oldest sibling working rather than pursuing an education. But u/throwboone58 explained that by sending her sisters to boarding school, she was still able to pursue an education of her own while providing them with one.
Other users commented about their personal experiences attending boarding school and how they absolutely loved their experiences. They also explained that none of them felt "abandoned" by their parents and did not feel that their schools raised them.
"This is what parenting is—doing what is best for the kids," one user mentioned in the comments. "You absolutely did what was best for all 3 of you, for your futures. Having a way to NOT struggle as much doesn't make you less of a parent."
