Historically, this has resulted in queer people bearing the burden of educating others and being discriminated against in healthcare as well, even in their final days. This has changed in recent years, however, as death doulas enter end-of-life care to assist the dying with this transition. And for members of marginalized communities, such as LGBTQ + people, such care can be especially necessary.

Death doula, defined

Sometimes called a death midwife, transition guide, end-of-life helper, or end-of-life doula, a death doula does for the dying (and their loved ones) what a birth doula does for an expectant parent (and their loved ones). “A death doula is a holistic provider that provides non-medical, non judgmental support to the dying and their loved ones,” says queer death labor activist Tracey Walker, who serves on the board of the National End of Life Doula Alliance (NEDA). While death doulas can benefit Everyone People in these sensitive times are particularly helpful for members of marginalized communities – as is the case with childbearing doulas. And especially dying members of the LGBTQ + community will benefit in a special way.

The support a death doula provides – whether logistical, emotional, physical, spiritual, or a combination – depends on the specific death doula and the client’s needs and wants. “Some death doulas primarily do the pre-instruction paperwork, while others act primarily as a link between the doctors, the patient, and their family,” says Walker. The death doula’s job can also include doing housework, sitting vigils, sorting possessions, writing letters to living loved ones, planning the funeral, and offering the comfort of having lived before death.

While the dying person and their loved ones often do can Look at the services a death doula provides without this extra support, these tasks can be emotionally (and maybe sometimes physically) stressful so outsourcing can be helpful for those who have access to such services. To contextualize this point, Walker says, “Most people could cut their own hair – or the hair of a family member – but delegate the task.” With that in mind, people can choose to delegate certain tasks to a death doula, to free up space and energy to be present for the person who goes by in their last days, weeks, months together, adds Walker.

How death doulas can help queer patients fight queer phobia and queermisia in healthcare

Death doulas aren’t nurses or doctors, but they can take on the emotional work and mental energy involved in educating health care providers about their patients’ position, says sex educator and death doula Sarah Sloane, host of the Social traffic Podcast. And that’s important when you consider that members of the queer healthcare community continue to be disrespected and discriminated against (aka victims of queermisia).

Especially for LGBTQ + elders who lived through the queermisia-marked AIDS epidemic (before it was called AIDS, the virus was called GRID or Gay-Related Immune Deficiency), the desire to avoid medical care in order to also avoid discrimination and stigma are probably even higher.

In times of need, queer patients need advocates, and this is where death doulas for end-of-life care come into play.

In addition, research has shown that despite estimates that more than 5 percent of the US population are LGBTQ + (which, by the way, is almost three times the estimates of redheads), only 39 percent of doctors believe they have adequate knowledge about specific health problems Treat needs of queer patients. In short, the healthcare sector was and is largely one that perpetuates transphobia, biphobia and homophobia. And in times of need, queer patients need advocates, and this is where queer-informed death doulas for end-of-life care come into play.

Queer-informed death doulas not only advocate the quality of health care members of the LGBTQ + community are entitled to, but can also ensure that providers respect and affirm the pronouns of queer patients and treat their partners as partners – and not siblings, or worse, strangers for example, she adds.

Death doulas can help model end-of-life transitions that * not * prioritize the nuclear family

In many cultures, death is viewed as a family-centered transition, in which the dying are surrounded by their children and relatives. “But [that idea] assumes that a person’s biological family is a safe and supportive structure in their life, ”says Sloane. With 2013 data showing that 39 percent of LGBTQ + people have been rejected or rejected by their biological family members at some point in their lives, this is simply not the case for many queer individuals. (In fact, society has made strides in adopting the LGTBQ + community over the past eight years, but that percentage is still not zero.)

Additionally, given a combination of biological factors as well as laws and financial pressures that stand between queer people and parenting, LGBTQ + people are less likely to have children, and LGBTQ + elders are also more likely to be single than straight people, Walker says. Together, these factors make LGBTQ + people less likely to be supported by biological or legal family members who support them throughout terminal care.

However, that doesn’t mean that queer people don’t have loved ones or families – many have chosen to go with families made up of people of all ages for whom they share queer platonic, romantic, or sexual love. “A queer-inclusive and queer-informed death doula will be able to treat these nontraditional family members as family members,” Sloane says.

For example, someone who is not ethically monogamous may have two or three partners of equal importance but be married to only one, Sloane says. While traditional medical institutions would only value and share information with the (legal) spouse, the death doula can value all partners equally.

Why death doulas have to be queer or queer-informed for the queer community

Not everyone can be an effective death doula for members of the queer community. This is because all people have unconscious prejudices that shape our worldview and our care. “For queer people, having a queer death doula can be comforting,” says Sloane, because she makes sure that the death doula doesn’t bring any internalized or externalized prejudice against queer people. Additionally, a queer death doula can be more aware of asking about a person’s pronouns and saving someone from the task of code switching or changing patterns, gestures, and expressions.

As an outsider of queer spaces, “a non-queer death doula has to ask questions that a queer person would simply ask”. knows the responses based on their lived experiences as a queer person, ”Sloane adds. For example, suppose that it is common in some communities for a person to be bathed before burial after death. “A queer doula might be more likely to know this and ask questions like ‘Would you like your body to be washed?’ or ‘What are your washing limits and preferences?’ ”says Sloane. These questions are important because, she adds, “a gender maladjusted person may not want their bare body to be seen by any family member or friend other than the loved one.”

It’s worth noting that not all effective doulas are for queer people to need be queer yourself. Queer-informed doulas – or doulas who have undergone sensitivity training and understand the unique discrimination, needs, wishes, and desires of members of the LGBTQ + community – can also be valuable. “Queer-informed and queer death doulas usually say the same thing in their social media marketing and website, talking about specializing in LGBTQ + elders,” Sloane says.

To help you find a queer-informed or LGBTQ + death doula, check the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association’s directory of providers or call your local LGBTQ + center. Ultimately, queer-informed death doulas can be a profound addition to an LGBTQ + person’s terminal care team to ensure that they and their loved ones can be present in the remaining time.

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