Are you turning your man off without realising? Elegance coach reveals the habits you should ditch when dating - including being 'mysterious' and using 'complicated words' he might not understand

  • Anna Bey, who lives in Geneva, boasts over 976,000 subscribers on YouTube 
  • Shares self-help clips for infiltrating high society and living a 'feminine lifestyle'
  • She recently suggested there is such a thing as being too elegant when dating 

An elegance coach has revealed the seemingly attractive personality traits that could be turning your partner off without you realising.

Anna Bey, who lives in Geneva, boasts over 976,000 subscribers on YouTube, where she shares self-help videos for infiltrating high society, living a 'feminine lifestyle' and having good etiquette in posh settings.

Having married her wealthy husband during lockdown, the School of Affluence founder decided to share a video showcasing the 'elegant' traits that could be turning your man off.

In her recent YouTube clip, she suggested that being pompous, using 'complicated vocabulary' and wanting to appear totally mysterious could make a woman seem unattractive to 'most men'.

Using 'difficult words' he might not understand 

An elegance coach has revealed the classy personality traits that could be turning your partner off - insisting there is such a thing as being too elegant (stock photo)

An elegance coach has revealed the classy personality traits that could be turning your partner off - insisting there is such a thing as being too elegant (stock photo)

An impressive vocabulary is a sign of intelligence - but some men might find it a turn-off because it makes you seem too intimidating, Anna said. 

She explained: 'When we are polishing up the way we speak, we perhaps don't want to use slang anymore, we want to sound a little bit more sophisticated when we talk, and that's great, but I have noticed that sometimes people start using a lot of fancy language and complicated vocabulary in order to kind of try to raise their own elegance factor and seem a little more intelligent.

Being 'stiff' or 'guarded', even if you think it's 'elegant' 

Anna said: 'I think we all know that elegance can sometimes be resonated with being a little stiff. And indeed, sometimes people tend to stiffen up a little bit when they want to be elegant. 

'And that's not necessarily a good thing. And when it comes to dating, that becomes a terrible thing because what a man wants in a woman is somebody who is herself, somebody who feels natural, and somebody who is not stiff.

'You want to be relaxed when you're in the presence of a man, because that's how you are going to be able to bond with each other and connect with each other. If you are guarded, if you are stiff, this is not going to happen.'

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'But one thing that you should really take into account that is when you are on a date with a man and you use such language that sounds a little bit unnatural, a little bit too pompous in a way, he's going to feel like you are trying too hard to maybe be somebody that you're not. 

'Plus it's not really going to turn him on. What's important in elegance in general is to be able to communicate with somebody who can, first of all, understand you, that's rule number one. 

'But secondly, talk to somebody on the same level as they are talking to you. I mean surely if somebody is swearing and using slang you don't have to go to that level, but I'm talking about that you want to speak the same language somebody else talks to you. 

'So if that man on a date is talking to you normally without any complicated language or any fanciness then why should you? Unless that's really how you talk and you can't control it. 

'All I'm saying is that you should try to be more natural and not so pretentious because the pretentiousness, it's a buzz killer. Nobody likes that. 

'People want authenticity. People want somebody who is themselves. When we work on our elegant self we should never reduce being ourselves. We should always keep those little things that make us us, that is so important. So don't ever remove that in your transformation.'

Trying to be 'little miss perfect' 

Anna Bey (pictured), who lives in Geneva, boasts over 976,000 subscribers on YouTube , where she shares self-help videos for infiltrating high society, living a 'feminine lifestyle' and having good etiquette in posh settings

Anna Bey (pictured), who lives in Geneva, boasts over 976,000 subscribers on YouTube , where she shares self-help videos for infiltrating high society, living a 'feminine lifestyle' and having good etiquette in posh settings

'One of the things that definitely does attract a lot of ladies who want to become elegant is that they want to be incredibly proper,' revealed Anna.

'They want to always do the right thing, they want to be a certain way. Almost like this Stepford wife or this Little Miss Perfect. And that's again, elegance extremism, which I don't support and don't like.

Avoiding adventure 

'When you take elegance to an extreme level, you can easily become one of those boring types, one of those who, you know, doesn't want to do this, doesn't want to do that, everything has to be a certain way and they cannot go outside of their little box,' explained the elegance coach.

'Those people are so incredibly boring, and I have definitely noticed with men, they want to have somebody fun, they want to have a fun woman, a woman who wants to try new things, who likes a little bit of an adventure and is not just afraid of everything.

'Now, I'm not saying you have to go out there and do some bungee jumping or skydiving, or crazy things, or things that really make you feel uncomfortable.

'I'm not saying that you have to do things at the expense of yourself, just to please a man, all I'm saying is, loosen up a bit, try something new for once, don't be that person who thinks no before she thinks yes, make a little bit of an effort.'

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'I do believe that nobody should be perfect and perfectionism is a buzz killer and as well, a relationship killer, because nobody's perfect. So when you are making so much effort to be a Little Miss Proper, I don't think any man is going to be turned on at that moment.

'I think men really like when you loosen up, when you let your hair down, when you are being like yourself, and that means with your imperfections, that means making a mistake here and there, maybe doing something silly.

'Obviously, you don't want to have all your bad habits coming to play and putting you in a bad light. That's not what I'm talking about. But again, men like a little bit of spice, a little bit of flavour.

'That makes them feel young, that makes them feel alive - and also that creates a strong bond between you because you know what, it's actually not that easy to find fun, exciting women out there. 

'Because many women out there hold themselves back, and I don't want my elegant ladies to make that number one mistake that I see so many women do.'

Dressing conservatively 

'When you are dating, you don't want to be dressed too conservatively. Believe me. There is a point when elegance is taken a little bit too far with men,' said Anna. 

'I am talking about you going on a date with your significant other, with the man that you want to impress, and you are dressed like a nun.

'There's nothing wrong with being a nun, but... you look a bit too grandma in the presence of a man, when it's all about being flirty, sensual, romantic, feminine.   

'The conservative style kind of kills that moment. I don't think many men feel turned on by you sitting there dressed as if you are in a convent.

'If you are more on the conservative style, naturally, that's fine - but maybe on a date, you should then dress a little bit more elegant feminine or elegant seductive.'

Being too mysterious 

The elegance coach said: 'Taking being mysterious to the level where basically you do almost no talking, that becomes boring and that doesn't make any impression whatsoever.

'Plus that doesn't really turn men on, men want a little bit of back and forth - besides maybe the narcissist type or the super extroverts who just want to talk all the time and want you to listen and be quiet - but those are a small percentage. 

'The general man wants to hear some interesting stories that the woman has to tell. He wants to have a back and forth. He wants to have a conversation. So don't be the quiet mouse, pull your confidence together.'  

Elegance coach reveals habits that you should ditch when dating

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