F.Friendship is a deeply intimate relationship that cannot be compared to any other form of human connection. These relationships can be a fundamental element of healing and community cultivation, and in many ways can also feel spiritual – like a connection of souls between two people who are naturally connected. When there is trust, respect, security, and reciprocity, friendship can flourish in many ways. But sometimes, high levels of trust and security can create a dynamic rooted in a lack of boundaries. And for anyone who has ever felt that their friend is treating them like a therapist first and then a friend, creating those boundaries can be critical for everyone involved and the health of the friendship in question.

We live in a climate where many of us are becoming big advocates of our mental health, which leads us to seek therapy and speak more openly about our problems, struggles, and setbacks. While this is great, it’s also important to remember that not everyone is mentally able to accept and manage our own personal emotional struggles. With that in mind, it’s important to remember that your friend is no substitute for therapy. And you don’t have to act as your friend’s therapist.

Your friend is not a substitute for therapy. And you don’t have to act as your friend’s therapist.

The hard truth is that no matter how much we care about and support our friends, we will not always have the energetic capacity, resources, availability, knowledge, or insight to care for their psychological needs . One person cannot be everything to you, which means that you have permission not to be everything to your friend.

With this in mind, it is important to be clear to your friend that you are unable to essentially act as their therapist to maintain both your own mental health and your friendship. Below are three ways you can set boundaries with a friend.

3 boundaries you should create if you feel like your friend is treating you like their therapist

1. Communicate your limits

As much as we want our friends to know better when people have bad boundaries, it shows in their behavior and their expectations of others. And since your friend doesn’t know your limits unless you communicate them, it’s important to be open with that information.

Sometimes we wait for other people to find out information that we can share. Be ready to communicate what your limits are.

2. Suggest other resources

While it is not your responsibility to do the healing work for other people, you may know of helpful resources that your friend in need will not know about. For example, if you can refer a friend to a specific therapist, therapy group, or support group that you think might be helpful, it could resonate and help you set effective boundaries.

If you have a resource in mind that a friend could benefit from, consider using supportive language to help you define your boundaries as you suggest them. For example, “I realize that I don’t have the insight to help or advise, and I really want to support you. I know of a resource called x and I think it would be great if you consider reaching out for additional assistance. “

3. Be honest about what you can give

When we see our friends having problems, it’s only natural that we want to be as supportive as possible. However, we need to be honest with our friends about our limits and whether we are the appropriate person to offer support and help.

It is also important to be honest with ourselves because if you are not a trained therapist, you may be able to give bad advice to your friend and facilitate problematic behaviors or thought processes. Most importantly, when your friend is in a very difficult situation that may require more intensive care, you need to be ready to know when it is time to take a step back in the best interest.

After all, friendships don’t have a rule book. There are many ways to support a friend that doesn’t require self-sacrifice. When you harm others, it is time to reconsider how much you are giving to others and how many opportunities you have to give to yourself. Maintain strong friendships when there is honesty and communication – but above all realistic expectations.

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