Vinesh Phogat was a medal contender at the Tokyo Olympics. She, however, lost the quarter-final and her repechage hopes were also lost when her conqueror lost in her semi-final bout. Vinesh was to return from Tokyo empty-handed. A couple of days after the athletes returned to India, the Wrestling Federation of India suspended Vinesh for indiscipline. They said she did not stay with her Indian teammates, didn’t train with them and it looked like she was with the Hungarian team (her coach is from that country).
After the suspension and all the allegations, Vinesh has now responded to everything that’s being said and written about her. Vinesh asked people to stop putting words in her mouth and not form opinions without even asking her what happened in Tokyo. “Everyone outside is treating me like I am a dead thing. They write anything, they do…. I knew that in India, you fall as fast as you rise. One medal (lost) and everything is finished," she wrote in a piece for Indian Express.
Vinesh made a couple of massive revelations, saying that she had suffered a concussion in 2017 and was diagnosed with depression for three months in 2019. She said she has suffered from effects of the concussion and even though it has reduced “a lot", whenever “my head strikes on anything, it comes back. Things become blurry," she revealed.
Back in 2019 when Vinesh changed her weight category, she shared that she had depression. “I was in Spain. I felt something was wrong. I never slept. For days I would be awake," Vinesh explained. She said it worsened when she came back to Lucknow so much that even if a coach would speak in a slightly higher tone to her, she would start crying. When she was injured during the Asian Championships, she realised she could not go on like that and decided to speak to a psychologist.
“I needed emotional support so I needed to speak up. Everyone in the family helped me but I can’t express everything, what is going on inside. I told my psychologist that I am very emotional and can cross that thin line.
“Do you think doing meditation and talking to a psychologist is enough? Nothing is enough. Only we know," she further wrote.
Vinesh said currently she finds it tought to cry. “I have zero mental strength right now. Like they did not even let me regret my loss. Everyone was ready with their knives."
WHAT HAPPENED IN TOKYO ON BOUT DAY?
Vinesh said she was alright and had prepared for the Tokyo humidity. She had salt capsules, electrolytes. But something was not right. She said may it was the concussion, “the blood pressure or the weight cut". Salt capsules had always helped her but not this time.
Vinesh said she did not have her physio in Tokyo and was assigned a physio from the shooting team. Given the specific demands of wrestling, she did not feel like the physio understood her body. She found it better to focus on herself rather than explaining how things work in wrestling.
Vinesh said she was not upto it on the day of the bout and was anxious. She woke up with a feeling of vomiting and was in pain. “There was nothing in my body. Ultimately I did vomit. On the bus ride to the stadium, I called Purnima (my physio) asking her desperately what I could do.
“After my first bout, I took a salt capsule. Nothing improved so I took one more. No change. I could not eat anything because I was nauseous and felt like vomiting. I did some breathing exercises but to no effect. I was not feeling in control. I was shivering.
“In the second bout, I knew I was losing. I was giving up points from positions I would never have. I can see that everything is going away but I can’t do it. My mind was blocked to that level that I didn’t know how to complete a takedown. I was surprised that I was blanked out," she explained.
Vinesh said she will get some tests done now because “there is something."
“The things that I ignored in the last three years, I realised could be the actual problem."
Vinesh said she wasn’t mentally weak in Tokyo. She cited Simone Biles’ example, where she pulled out of her events citing mental health, and said one couldn’t even think of trying to do something like that in India.
“I will never accept that I was under stress or mentally disturbed. I have become emotional because of my journey . Someone needs to understand that I began wrestling without anyone’s permission. Support us but don’t tell me what to do. I worked hard. I invested myself. Money? I’ll give you money, wrestle and give me results. I am a tough person and someone who wants to give herself pain and if I can break to this level, imagine what happens to athletes who return empty handed. If someone is not strong, imagine.
“We celebrate Simone Biles as she said that I am not mentally prepared to perform at the Olympics and did not do her event. Try just saying that in India. Forget pulling out of wrestling, just try saying that you are not ready."
Vinesh said she hasn’t recovered from the Tokyo heartbreak. “I slept once since I reached home. I slept for two hours on the flight and sometimes in the Village. There, I would walk alone and drink coffee. I was alone. When the sun would rise, I felt sleepy.
“I never said make me a contender for gold. I am wrestling for myself and I was the first to feel awful after losing, but let me do it. Leave me alone.
“I don’t know when I will return (to the mat). Maybe I won’t. I feel I was better off with that broken leg. I had something to correct. Now my body is not broken, but I’m truly broken," she concluded.
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