Some men are born great. Others achieve greatness. And the rest of us are free to drop their names. In a world in which where you stand depends on whom you know, name dropping is our “upgrade” to first class. As a veteran name dropper myself, I must confess that if I have got this far in life, there is a lot I owe to expertly lacing my conversations with entries drawn from the who’s who of society.
From the Page 3 types to sports stars and the cerebral celebrities, all of them are in my database. They have been my “Open Sesame” to closed doors, given me the trappings of respectability, and helped me (ahem) jump queues for everything from vaccines to visas.
But as we all know “upgrades” don’t come easy. There is much more to effective name dropping than just having a copious database. It needs finesse in deployment. For instance, crash landing into a conversation to announce that you have just met Amitabh Bachhan is the way an amateur goes about it. It sounds boastful, crass, and you are probably not going to be believed. A seasoned name dropper, however, would try a different tack, gently easing himself into an ongoing chat to say: “Amitji said he enjoyed my child’s watercolour.” (You can substitute watercolours with nursery rhyme, dance or lisped mimicry of a hawker’s call …anything will do for, as they say, the material is immaterial).
“Who,” your listeners ask, not sure if they can believe their ears. “Oh, Amitji — Mr. Amitabh Bachhan,” you explain. You have cleverly used your child’s watercolours or whatever as a decoy and made the name-drop seem almost incidental to the main story. You have also revealed that you know the star well enough to step over the Lakshman Rekha of the surname. It’s a master stroke, and your stock will rise to stratospheric heights.
Demanding skill
Name dropping is a demanding skill. It is sensible, for instance, to do your homework and study profile pictures of your “close friends”. Suppose you are at a film club get-together, and wowing members by claiming that a leading Kolkata filmmaker is a dear family friend. If said filmmaker also happens to be in the hall and displays no sign of recognition, you will have a lot of explaining to do. Also, as luck would have it, if you run into another of your ilk, a fellow name dropper at a party, don’t fall into the temptation of trying to match ace for ace. You say you know the beat inspector well. He counters saying that he knows the superintendent to which you could respond by saying that you are also on good terms with the DIG. This can spiral all the way to the top of the police hierarchy, and get neither of you anywhere. Far from impressing your audience, they will be sniggering at the spectacle.
Modern technology, for all its benefits, has made life more difficult. I can no longer say for instance that I play golf every Sunday morning at the private course of a tycoon. Before I complete the sentence, the local busybody will proffer proof that the tycoon does not play golf at all.
If you are the type who believes in the sterling virtues of hard work and perseverance, you can plod your way to your goals. Else, simply drop the right names and you will be well on your way up. You will know you have arrived when the name that people drop is your own.
jairam.menon@gmail.com