Time out alone time has its merits: Dr Purnima Nagaraja

HYDERABAD:  “Get married, or you’ll die alone!”
“You don’t have friends? You must be very lonely!”
Discourses, discussions and obsessions with loneliness have become an international pastime, since forever. Most people perceive loneliness to be a curse, a punishment, a fate worse than death, and many fears are born from this large, dark, looming object called loneliness.

Loneliness puts people at risk for anxiety, depression and poor physical, emotional and psychological health, but today, I am not going to discuss the perils of loneliness. I’d like to do the opposite; not getting time alone to ourselves.

This pandemic has succeeded, among many other things, to rob us of our sense of self and mastery over our time. Many today feel stressed and depressed about not having time to themselves. 

“I wish I had more time to myself and my thoughts.” “I want to be alone for just a bit.” How often have we not had these thoughts in recent times? 

This is what mental health researchers have termed ‘aloneness,’ which is very different from loneliness. While loneliness can be depressing and stressful, aloneness can be empowering and healing.

Who are these solitaries? Are they just people who live alone and become crotchety and bitter in their old age? Quite contrary to this common belief, solitaries are people who lead regular lives but are able to outline periods of solitude for themselves.

People who make an effort to deliberately make some ‘me time’ are described by psychologists as being more open minded, expansive and, on the whole, a lot happier and self-contained as they are not fettered by conventional ideas of ‘be in a group or die alone’.

(The author is a mental health professional and psychotherapist at Dhrithi Wellness Clinic)

Thoughts on solitude & alone time

• Make sure that it is time YOU plan and allot for yourself
• If you are uncomfortable with the idea of being alone, don’t
• Develop new hobbies, interests and avocations to fill your time, although lying in bed and staring at the ceiling is perfectly okay too!
• Self-care is important. Make sure ‘alone time’ is not ‘neglect yourself’ time
• Forced loneliness is depressing. Make sure your time out invigorates you. Cultivate a healthy inner life
• Lastly, make sure that you choose to live in a way that makes time for you and the world around you. Cherish each of these as they should be