Are YOU a victim of negging? Expert reveals six red flags that your partner is trying to undermine your confidence - from comparing you to other people to disguising insults as questions
- Relationship expert Emma Davey revealed how you can identify signs of negging
- Outlined the subtle traits and behaviours that should be immediate red flags
- Says that frequent back-handed compliments is a sign to look out for in partners
A relationship with an emotionally manipulative partner can only ever end in heartbreak, but getting out before it's too late can be very difficult unless you're familiar with the warning signs.
Emma Davey, a BACP counsellor and narcissistic abuse recovery coach at My Trauma Therapy, told FEMAIL has shared the red flags which could mean your partner is guilty of 'negging'.
Negging is a common form of gaslighting where a partner or love interest tries to undermine your confidence through back-handed compliments and other manipulation tactics.
Sharing the red flags to look out for if you suspect your partner may be trying to undermine your confidence, she warned that someone who is negging may often compare you to other people.
She says that they will often disguise insults as jokes, and say you're being 'too sensitive' if you call them out on their behaviour.
Here Emma reveals the six red flags that everyone should be aware of.
Emma Davey, a BACP counsellor and narcissistic abuse recovery coach at My Trauma Therapy, told FEMAIL has shared the red flag which could mean your partner is guilty of 'negging'. Stock image
They undermine you by pretending they're giving you a compliment
Examples of what this looks like include: 'You'd look great it you went on a diet,' or 'You're a lot smarter than you seem' and 'You got the job because you're pretty.' The aim of the abuser is to pull you down.
Because they include a compliment in the statement, they can then claim you're 'too sensitive' if you question it.
If you start to notice that someone is giving you a lot of backhanded compliments, you should ask yourself why they're trying to put you down in this sly way.
It's the trait of a toxic person who wants the victim to feel negatively about themselves.
They compare you to other people
They do this to make you feel insecure and that you need to compete with others for your partner's attention and approval. This can be very damaging to your confidence and self-worth.
Never feeling good enough can make you feel anxious and unhappy. Victims of this type of abuse can start to change their whole identity such as dress sense, weight, hair colour, speech.
A victim will lose all confidence. Everyone in their eyes is so much better than they are, because that's what they're constantly told.
When you question it, the abuser will argue that they're trying to help you improve yourself. They're not. To improve yourself you have to have confidence in who you are.
They always want to be one-up on you
They have to be better than you in every way. If you've achieved or completed something and are really pleased and proud of yourself, they will step in to stop you having that moment.
They always have to bring it back to themselves and make you feel they're better and have achieved more.
They don't allow you to live in that moment without trying to steal your thunder. It's never about you, it's always about them and their need for validation.
They disguise insults as questions
Have you ever said something and been given that look by your partner and they then make a statement on the lines of 'Really? Do you even know how to spell that word? Do you know what you're talking about? Did you do English at school?'
It's a question that is said to make you feel embarrassed. The abuser wants to make you think that what you've just said is either stupid or irrelevant. It's said to undermine you.
They're always 'just joking' when you call them on abusive behaviours
When you get to the point of having enough of the sly comments and put me downs, they then claim 'it was a joke' and tell you not to be so serious all the time.
The abuser will probably tell you that you need to learn to take a joke, or you're too sensitive. It makes it very difficult for you to argue back, because that will appear to reinforce what they've just said and it will be you who is causing the argument, not the abuser.
It is a manipulative way of stopping you calling out toxic behaviour.
They make you feel sorry for voicing concerns
You start to apologise for things you haven't done as the toxic partner has very cleverly turned it around onto you, making you believe it is now your fault for calling them out on their actions.
Abusers will use clever ways to twist things around so in the end you apologise to either end the argument, or because they've managed to manipulate you into believing they're right and you're wrong.
