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By the age of 10, Erika Cramer had been passed between foster homes, sexually abused and forced to visit her institutionalised bipolar mother, but nothing could prepare her for becoming a widow at just 24.

It was the single worst moment of the American Army veteran's traumatic life and prompted her move to Australia, where she now lives with her second husband and two sons, and works as a Melbourne confidence coach. 

Ms Cramer and her then-husband, Jeo, were high school sweethearts. They joined the Army together and secretly eloped before he was deployed to Iraq. 

When he returned aged 21, the pair picked up and moved from California to Florida, partying with friends and living what they thought was the epitome of a good life.

But Ms Cramer hadn't dealt with the years of childhood trauma she endured, and it wasn't until she miraculously survived what should have been a fatal car crash with her drunk husband at the wheel that she was prompted to make a change. 

Ms Cramer spent much of her upbringing in various foster homes, regularly winding up on extended 'sleepovers' when her mother would stop taking her bipolar disorder medication and eventually snap.

Ms Cramer followed a potential love interest to Australia in 2009, two years after her husband died. The relationship didn't last, but Ms Cramer never returned to her home in the United States

Ms Cramer married her high school sweetheart, Jeo (pictured together) before he was deployed to the Iraq war. He died when they were 24 in a drink-driving car accident

She would hop from halfway house to halfway house and between different schools, each time developing more confidence and rebranding herself with a harsher exterior to deal with the questions she would undoubtedly face.

Despite the confusion and constant upheavals, Ms Cramer loved the attention and saw the experience as a way to make new friends that she could muck up with before her mum came to collect her again.

That was the way it went each and every time. Things would be great at home, so her mum would come off the medication. 

Within about three days, Ms Cramer would begin to notice a change in her single mother. Frequently, this involved becoming physically abusive. Sometimes so severely that neighbours would call the police.

On one occasion, she walked for what felt like 'ages' down the street stark naked until cops picked her up and took her home, taking little Erika to the nearest foster home on the way.

But, without fail, her mum would soon come to collect her. And the cycle would begin again. 

Looking back, the back and forth cost Ms Cramer 'a lot of [her] innocence'.

Ms Cramer initially loved her time spent in and out of a foster home. She felt like it was 'one big sleepover' with all the other kids and relished the opportunity to make friends, given she normally lived in a single-parent household with no siblings

Ms Cramer had to learn to walk again after the car accident, and got around on a motorised bike as she dealt with the pain (pictured after surgery)

She was sexually abused in the system and developed 'major abandonment issues'. It took years of therapy to forgive her mother and understand that she did the best she could as a single mom with no support network while battling a devastating mental illness.

Ms Cramer said she dealt with the trauma of her upbringing by becoming the 'tough girl' at school, regularly starting fist fights or skipping classes.

At 17, she decided to join the army.

'I thought... there was no way I'd get an education, go to college or make something of myself without the Army,' she said. 'My grades [were] horrendous and my mom was poor.'

At the time, the army was agreeing to pay for four years at any state college if a student joined while still in high school. So, by senior year, Ms Cramer went off to boot camp.

First, she married Jeo, who also joined the military and was deployed to Iraq out of school. In total, she spent 10 years serving. 

Ms Cramer served 10 years in the army from the time she turned 17, including eight years' active service

She would hop from halfway house to halfway house and between different schools, each time developing more confidence and rebranding herself with a harsher exterior to deal with the questions she would undoubtedly face

Ms Cramer is now happily married and shares two boys with her former trainer, one of the first people she met when moving to Australia

At 23, Ms Cramer and Jeo had been living in Florida and were driving home from a party with a friend - completely wasted - when they all fell asleep and the car rolled down an embankment.

She woke up in the emergency room of the Orlando Regional Medical Center as doctors cut her $80 jeans off her legs.

'That really woke me up – they were my most expensive piece of clothing and it had been a massive splurge,' she said.

It didn't even cross her mind to wonder what she was doing on an operating table.

Ms Cramer later learned she'd suffered a broken back and crushed the bones in her ankle. She 'barely made it out alive', and across the hall from her, Jeo was in a coma and being treated for severe head trauma.

Miraculously, all parties survived. Ms Cramer spent a month in hospital in 'excruciating pain' where she learned to walk again and required a permanent morphine drip to stem the excruciating pain.

'I was determined that I didn't want my OLD life back. I wanted a new one,' she said. 'I felt like I had wasted my life being in the Army.'

Just a year after the life changing accident, Ms Cramer found herself back at the same hospital.

At 17, she decided to join the army. 'I thought... there was no way I'd get an education, go to college or make something of myself without the Army,' she said. 'My grades [were] horrendous and my mom was poor'

Ms Cramer learned that at about 4.35am after a full night of drinking, her husband, Jeo was in a car accident. He veered off the road and into a ditch. The car flipped and he wasn't wearing a seat belt

This time, she was pacing in the waiting room.

She and Jeo had thrown a party at their house the night before, but the then-24-year-old took herself to bed early because she had an early shift with the Army the next morning.

Instead, she woke up alone. There was a missed call from Jeo at 1.20am. No text, and no voicemail.

She woke some of his friends who were passed out on the couch, and someone recalled Jeo leaving the house during the night and never returning home.

The hospital called about 7am. They told her to come as soon as possible. She assumed they were chasing the money she owed for the back surgery from the year prior.

Ms Cramer hadn't been able to afford the $120,000 medical fees and the hospital staff regularly called to see if she was able to pay.

But she went to the hospital anyway and upon asking for her husband, was directed to a set of private rooms near the emergency room.

'I instantly felt sick,' she said. 'These are the rooms where they tell you the 'news'.'

Since becoming a parent, it's become even clearer to Ms Cramer that her own mother did the best she could to raise her while struggling with bipolar disorder

After years of honing her craft, Ms Cramer published a book, Confidence Feels Like Sh!t, where she details her tricks of the trade and encourages women to 'put in the work' to change their mindset

After what felt like an eternity, a nurse in blue scrubs and a doctor in a tan suit jacket spoke with her.

She learned that at about 4.35am on the 6th of May, 2007, Jeo was in another car accident. He veered off the road and into a ditch. The car flipped and he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

He was also drunk.

The details were eerily similar to the accident she was in with him just a year earlier.

'This moment was the hardest, most excruciating thing I’ve ever had to live through,' Ms Cramer later said.

'Not the physical abuse, not the jumping from foster home to foster home, not the sexual abuse, or being kidnapped, not breaking my back or Jeo being sent to war for a year.'

'I felt completely trauma’d out – like, haven’t I been through enough? Now I have to deal with this, too? I was positive that God or whoever was in charge, hated me.'

Ms Cramer hopped from bad relationship to bad relationship while grieving Jeo's death, refusing to allow herself time to cry because she was terrified of 'becoming bipolar like [her] mother'.

Ms Cramer said she dealt with the trauma of her upbringing by becoming the 'tough girl' at school, regularly starting fist fights or skipping classes

After working through her relationship with her mother in therapy, Ms Cramer

Come 2009, Ms Cramer met an Australian man at a work conference in Las Vegas.

After a whirlwind romance, he asked her to come home with him. After all the trauma she'd faced in her home country, she agreed.

It was spontaneous and her decision largely stemmed from a desire to leave all her skeletons, trauma and unresolved pain behind.

'[It] all followed me across the Pacific Ocean,' she said.

The man ended up being 'no good', and suddenly she was alone in a foreign country, with no friends and no idea how she'd survive.

Slowly, she fell in love with her personal trainer, Hamish. Looking back, Ms Cramer said they developed they 'most incredible friendship' before the relationship took a romantic turn, and by February 2014, they were married.

'He helped me celebrate Jeo’s life and make peace with the grief. It was incredible - and still is incredible - to have a man like him truly care about me,' she said.

Ms Cramer credits this relationship for opening the doors to her success. She now works full time as a confidence coach in Melbourne, inspiring other women to look beyond their past and become the best version of themselves.  

'I had to learn how to shift my perspective on the sh**ty cards that life had dealt me,' she said. 

Becoming a mother herself also helped heal childhood trauma. It further reminded her that her mother did the best she could with the cards she'd been dealt growing up. Now, Ms Cramer counts her mother as her best friend. 

After years of honing her craft, Ms Cramer published a book, Confidence Feels Like Sh!t, where she details her tricks of the trade and encourages women to 'put in the work' to change their mindset. 

'I’ve lived with confidence and without it, and let me say this: the path of confidence has the power to change your life in ways you never even imagined,' she says.

Confidence Feels Like Sh!t is available now at all major bookstores and online, retailing for $32.95.

She was sexually abused in the system and developed 'major abandonment issues'. It took years of therapy to forgive her mother and understand that she did the best she could

'I’ve lived with confidence and without it, and let me say this: the path of confidence has the power to change your life in ways you never even imagined,' she says