Macho ado about manhood

CHENNAI: Patriarchy, sexual harassment, domestic abuse, misogyny...discussing any form of gender-based violence or inequality, more often than not, culminates in male-bashing. We tend to overlook the root cause of their behaviours and beliefs that manifest in harmful actions to themselves as well as society. This way, we wouldn’t be able to bring them as allies and make them be part of the larger gender equality movement,” points out Sandhiyan Thilagavathy, while opening up about the crux of AWARE India’s latest campaign, Unmasking Masculinity.

What maketh a man?
The NGO’s month-long initiative promises to deconstruct definitions around masculinity and offers a platform for men and boys to voice their opinions on a diverse range of neglected topics. “We’ve touched upon all subjects that ultimately explore better models of masculinity. On an individual level, for self-improvement, we emphasise on topics around mental health, media portrayal of men, body positivity, everyday toxicity and insecurities. To educate them as supportive allies, we will be speaking about gender conditioning, the importance of consent, cost of male entitlement and work-family balance,” elaborates Sandhiyan.

If only we pay more attention at the grassroots level, there wouldn’t be perpetrators or victims, he suggests. Negligence of which can create a toxic culture and have adverse effects on men. “We need to get rid of socially-constructed gender roles. It’s fine if a man’s not macho or focused on material success. Even when it comes to processing emotions, the expectations for a man and woman are different. Suppressing emotions can manifest in substance abuse and inappropriate channelling of anger and aggression. We have so much to unlearn,” he cautions.

Normalising conversations
As crusaders of gender equality, team AWARE India has been vigorously promoting their campaign on social media to garner a better reach. Uploading catchy posts on their Instagram page, hosting discussions on Clubhouse and uploading informative videos on YouTube, and audios as podcasts under Unmasking Masculinity on Spotify they have been doing it all. One of their Clubhouse sessions on body image and masculinity was focused on the unrealistic demands placed on men to maintain an ideal physique, warning signs of negative body image and body shaming.

“Most times we also have a mental health professional while addressing sensitive topics. The idea is to normalise conversations around masculinity and that’s the reason we decided to dedicate this whole month to them. Men who do not face their pain are too often prone to inflict it on others. By providing a space for men to share their insecurities and vulnerabilities, we are building a better future for them and those around them,” he notes.

Building a safe space
The NGO is known for its creative and audience-engaging programmes. In July 2019, for their campaign Reimagine Manhood, they had a movie screening session followed by a panel discussion on the theme — Exploring Healthy Masculinity and Gender Equity. This year, they have planned for a weekly book discussion on Zoom to introspect the role of literature and writing in breaking down gender norms. As part of this, they will be talking about books authored by men, keeping modern masculinity and the importance of becoming feminist allies at the core of the discussion. All with the hope of unpacking social constructs around masculinity and building a gender-empowered society.

While Sandhiyan and his team are happy to witness the changing narrative around masculinity in the present generation, there’s much to sensitise the previous generation, they share. “Many years back, masculinity was defined by the cultural paradigm. Being a man was cut-and-dry, there were no discussions or debates around the topic. But today, the definition is elusive. We no longer understand what makes a man or have ideas on how to be a man. Our elders not only perpetuated these gender stereotypes but also lived by them. So we must help them look at manhood from a broader perspective. Earlier, when our group discussions were held physically, we asked volunteers to come with their parents. With the virtual route, we are hoping to have family-friendly sessions to keep it inclusive of all age groups,” assures Sandhiyan.

The team aspires to build an ambience where each one of us can be involved in reimagining what ‘being a man’ might mean in our lives and society. “To transform from a guy to a man, you need to devolve yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. The journey is difficult but not impossible. It’s good to take responsibility, be empathetic, be expressive and true to yourself. We can all chip in and work towards a gender-friendly future,” he requests.

Books on modern masculinity

Man Up
Surviving Modern Masculinity

The Macho Paradox
Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

Man Enough
Undefining My Masculinity

Some Men
Feminist Allies in the Movement to End Violence against Women

(Source: AWARE India)

Films that redefine masculinity

• Marupadiyum (Tamil) 
• Kandukondain Kandukondain (Tamil) n Vicky Donor (Hindi) 
• Ek Mini Katha (Telugu) n Mozhi (Tamil) — Recommended by Sandhiyan Thilagavathy

Podcasts that discuss modern masculinity

• What’s a Man? Masculinity in India
• Real Men Feel 
• Modern Manhood
• Let’s Talk Bruh
• The Man Enough