Mona

Losing a loved one... the sheer helplessness, the struggle to accept, the grief, and that unbearable pain coming from not being able to say the final goodbye, with no family and friends to lean on in the hour of grief; the pandemic has tested the will and grit of us all. Those who have been through these testing circumstances share what helped them cope with grief.

Too painful

Gaurav Chopraa lost both his parents within a gap of 10 days, and life suddenly stopped making sense. It happened during the peak of the first wave. “It’s like they just vanished. Otherwise, one is able to see, help, assist when someone’s sick, or at least see them one last time, but these were such strange times. Coming to terms with it was difficult,” he says.

With strict guidelines in place, carrying out the last rites was too painful. “It’s your parents who tell you how things work – specially when it comes to family traditions, rituals, and then suddenly they are just not there and you are left alone to make sense of it all,” says Gaurav.

A wish unfulfilled

Actor Hina Khan, who lost her father in April, talked about her pain on Father’s Day, sharing their pictures together, “June 20th, It’s been two months today Dad....We clicked these pictures 7 months back and I didn’t let you see these pictures when they were clicked coz I wanted to post them on a special day..Never did I think that I will be posting them today. You had to see these pictures dad...That’s what we decided..whyyyy??(sic)”

Heartfelt tribute

Accepting your emotions and channelising them in the right direction is the way forward. Actor Paras Kalnawat penned a beautiful tribute to his father while posting their last picture together on social media. “Main toh bas kamaata tha/ Ghar toh ab bhi papa hi chalate the/ Muskurate hum sab the/ Kyuki ghar me khushiya papa hi toh laate the/Papa mere liye puri duniya se ladd aate the/Shabd kamm padd jaate hai unke liye/ Papa mujhe jaan se bhi zyada chahte the.”

When the world shattered

Actor Guneet Sharma hit his lowest when he lost his father in the pandemic. “I was in Mumbai during the curfew, streets were deserted, the world came to a stop and I got the call at 9:30 pm, my brother saying, “Bhaiya aap please Jalandhar aa jao.” I found it a little strange, the next line I heard was “Papa chod ke chale gaye, aap jaldi aa jao.” My world shattered then and there.”

Guneet’s father was his pillar of strength, “He always used to say, “Jab sar pr padegi na bete tab pata chalega, abhi me hu to kar le aish. My father was my only strength and losing him was hard. But if fate gives that hard a blow, you just carry on somehow.”

He will live on...

Actor Kristina Patel lost her grandfather in whom she found her best friend. “As I couldn’t be with him in his last hour, it made me depressed. I was not able to focus on my work. My mother told me that dadaji would always be in my heart and I should to work hard and make him proud.”

Learning to surrender

While most of us have read or listened to Bulleh Shah and Baba Nanak’s - shareer mitti hai – the pandemic made actor-costume designer Dolly Ahluwalia Tewari understand it. “It taught me the meaning of detachment and brought me closer to reality.” Dolly adds, “I have learnt to surrender for there is little in our power. What is in our power is to live in the present, value each second, keep yourself safe for everyone else and lend a helping hand.”

She says she was reduced to tears seeing people outside hospitals begging for beds or oxygen.

The science of grief

Life as we know it feels shattered when someone with whom we share a bond is lost to us. Due to the pandemic restrictions, we cannot participate in rituals, but we can create our own private farewell for the departed. Rituals help to form intellectual acceptance, which later slips silently into physiological acceptance, providing a renewed calm. What we can do as a society, parent or mentor, is to allow ourselves and those we mentor to feel every emotion, including the uncomfortable ones. – Dr Anjana Sen, Coach for Emotional Intelligence